


In the Ties that Bind - Book One

by snivellus (queervulcan)



Series: In the Ties that Bind [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Good Malfoy Family, Good Slytherins, James Potter Bashing, Lily Evans Potter Bashing, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mild Dumbledore Bashing, No Drarry until later years, Out of Character, Powerful Harry, Severitus, Slurs, Slytherin Harry, Smart Harry, Swearing, Twin Potters, Weasley Bashing, Wrong Boy-Who-Lived, and by later i mean post war, but the usual canon relationships will be there too, my poor kids are in for a wild ride, transgender character, transgender hermione
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-08
Updated: 2016-08-17
Packaged: 2018-04-25 09:13:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 33,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4954720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queervulcan/pseuds/snivellus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Harry has a gift at making people notice him.</p>
          </blockquote>





	1. Safe-ish Travels

Harry eyeballed the platform to cross over to the wizarding world with distrust. He had seen other wizards and witches cross through with no problem, but he wasn't ignorant of his luck either.  
  
Knowing him, he'd crash face first. Then do a flip, probably.  
  
He knew, logically, that he couldn't be afraid forever- mostly because the train had ten minutes until departure and he wanted to find Granger before he met Draco and had a bad first impression. He had seen it happen, before. Draco had fumed all day and Harry had to leave early because Draco had had the guts to hex him. He had felt guilt, of course, but it didn't negate the fact that he had hexed him back.  
  
He watched as his family joined the Weasley's, and they left one by one to go to the train.  
  
Behind him, he heard shrill yelling.  
  
"That's bullshit! I won't bring that with me, and if I have something to say about it, I'll be a male by the end of year!"  
  
Harry turned around partially and was greeted to the sight of his somewhat friend he had met at Diagon. He let go of his trolley and turned around to face Granger directly.  
  
"Hey, Granger! Speak of the devil, I was just thinking about you!" Harry yelled, one hand curved around his mouth to amplify his voice, the other high in the air to obnoxiously wave. He supposed it said something about him that his first instinct was to yell just at loud as the boy, but he was getting too much amusement at watching the grimaces of Granger's parents.  
  
Granger whipped around to face the voice that called out to him, small face already set in defensive lines. It cleared into a small, but honest smile when he saw Harry waving him over. Forgetting his parents temporarily, he darted forward, his trunk rattling in the trolley ominously.  
  
Harry eyeballed the boy's trolley, and brought his owl's cage closer to him. Granger was panting by the time he made it to Harry, already telling Harry that he would be more of a cheerleader during Quidditch than a player.  
  
"Harry! How have you been? Where are your parents?" The boy was smiling through his pants, but his enthusiasm at seeing a friendly face wasn't diminished.  
  
"They already went through to the other side. We have to hurry or we won't make it."  
  
"Hermione." The tall man behind Granger intoned, making him stiffen.  
  
"I told you, that isn't my name." Granger hissed without looking back.  
  
"Nevertheless, you are our _daughter_." Even Harry could hear the extra emphasis on daughter when Granger's mother spoke. "As befitting of our daughter, you have no choice but to bring your dresses with you. Who knows when you may need them! It would be an embarrassment if you had to go to a fancy event and then you had to... Owl... Us."  
  
Granger raised his eyes to the sky, and blew out a big sigh. Harry warily watched him as his eyes unfocused, and jumped back to protect his owl as the bag in Granger's father's hands erupted in flames. From the corner of his eye, he could see the smirk on Granger's face.  
  
Harry left the Granger's behind, shocked and arms extended with Granger's burning luggage. Harry tugged his trolley through with one hand and pulled Granger with the other. The Muggle side of King's Crossing vanished with a whoosh, and the bright, lively sounds of wizards and witches made their ears ring.  
  
Harry dragged Granger to the rear of the Express, and left his trunk so it could be packed and taken by the house elves. Just as Granger was starting to protest bring dragged around, he heard a shrill scream a few windows down where he was standing.  
  
"Harry!" Draco was partially leaning out of the compartment window, waving his hand enthusiastically. Behind him, Harry could just see Goyle and Crabbe eating. "Hurry up, and bring the boy you're with!"  
  
Harry laughed, and proceeded to drag Granger through the express to Draco's compartment. It was easy to find him, for he was in the Slytherin's first year compartment, and had successfully overtaken the biggest room there was. What Harry hadn't seen from below was that Pansy had joined them and was currently leaning against the window, reading the latest gossip magazine.  
  
"Hello, Pansy."  
  
Pansy glanced up, and gave a small smile. Her voice was quiet, but still nasally when she spoke. "Hello, Harry. Who is this?" Pansy had closed her magazine and rolled it up, pointing one end at Granger.  
  
Harry stepped aside, and held a hand out to the now stiff boy. "This is my friend, Granger. He's cool, he can set fire to things on purpose."  
  
Draco whistled in appreciation, but by the gleam in his eye, they could tell he was sizing up the boy. "What's your first name, Granger?"  
  
"Why does that matter?" The boy sulkily replied.  
  
"Because amongst us Slytherin's, we like to keep things less formal when it's allowed. In public we usually say last names."  
  
Granger pouted and shifted his feet, before relenting. He stubbornly raised his chin, but his voice was set in a squeaky whisper. "It's Haben."  
  
Pansy raised an eyebrow, and lifted her feet off the seat. She patted the space next to her, inviting Granger and Harry to sit.  
  
"What does your name mean?"  
  
"It means pride." Haben sat down slowly, and made sure he wasn't touching Harry or Pansy at all. As a result, his posture looked stiff, and Draco shared a look with Harry.  
  
As Pansy continued to try and make Haben talk with her, Harry scribbled a note on a scrap piece of parchment he found in his pocket with a Muggle pen his mother had given to him. He was warning Severus of the boy, and before anyone could read the message either over his shoulder or upside down, he was already rolling it up. He didn't have anything to fasten it together, so he had to coax his owl into carrying it in his beak. She finally relented after promising to get her bigger, softer mice for a week. With a final nip to his finger, she flew out the window Draco hadn't bothered to close, and just in time, for the express was starting to move along.  
  
"Where are your parents?" Harry leaned over, resting his forearms on his knees.  
  
Draco looked up from the chocolate card he was reading, and slowly put it down, thinking over the question. "I think mother is somewhere on the platform, and my father left when I boarded so he could go back to the Ministry. They said hello, by the way, and they hope we'll remain friends even if we get into separate houses."  
  
Harry nodded and sat back, watching detachedly as Pansy kept up most of the conversation with Haben, and how his shoulders slowly relaxed. Crabbe and Goyle were eating, per usual, but they were talking about potions and how they would have beds near the dorm window or the fireplace. Draco was back to reading a Charms book, and Harry watched the way he stuck his tongue in the corner of his mouth, how no matter how much he slicked his hair, there were still pieces that fell into his face. With the rocking of the train, he soon fell into a deep sleep.

* * *

Harry was brought awake an hour later by Pansy petting his hair, and when he opened his eyes, he realized someone had switched seats with Haben, for his head was on Draco's lap.  
  
Harry slowly got up and rubbed the grit from his eyes. "Are we there yet?" He wasn't totally awake, so he took shameless advantage of that by leaning heavily on Draco's shoulder.  
  
Draco huffed but awkwardly patted Harry's thigh. Harry wasn't an eight year old anymore, and he was heavy as a stone when he leaned on him like this. Draco vowed to get him back for it.  
  
Pansy was the one who answered, since Haben was still dozing, Crabbe and Goyle were too busy playing games, and Draco was making googly eyes at Harry.  
  
"No, we just thought you'd like some sweets." Her voice was hushed, and made Harry look up from smiling at Draco.  
  
With a frown, he looked at her before his eyes drifted to Haben leaning against the cold window. His mouth was parted slightly, and his breath was creating condensation against the window. Harry's frown melted into a fond smile, and his eyes softened.  
  
"Should you wake him or should I?"  
  
Pansy was already getting up and stretching. "I'll do it, I need to get my money anyway."  
  
Harry watched as Pansy brushed Haben's hair off his forehead, and shook his shoulder gently. Haben woke with a jolt, and his eyes were wide in fear. When he saw it was just Pansy, he relaxed and gave her a questioning smile.  
  
Harry could just see a pout forming on Pansy's face, and he knew she was offended at not being taken as a threat. He hid a chuckle by turning his body until his face was hidden in the crook of Draco's neck.  
  
Draco gave a shiver at the feeling of Harry's breath over his neck, and the fine hair on the back of his neck stood up. Harry smirked into Draco's neck, smug with himself.  
  
The trolley lady knocked on the compartment door, and as Harry was the closest, he slid open the door.  
  
"Would you like some sweets?" She asked in a sweet, high pitched voice.  
  
Pansy shoved the boys out of her way and proceeded to get two of everything, minus the Blood and Acid Pops. She took the horde in her arms, and successfully deposited them on the little table between her and Haben. She divided the sweets and pushed half towards Haben, while the others she started greedily feasting on.  
  
Harry went with the normal chocolate frogs, while Draco declined and said he'd wait until the feast. Crabbe and Goyle practically bought half the trolley, and the poor old lady walked away shaking her head.  
  
Crabbe and Goyle divided their sweets amongst themselves, and when they were satisfied, they sat up to talk.  
  
"Heyya, Harry?" Vincent murmured.  
  
Harry raised his head from the card he was reading, and raised a single eyebrow.  
  
"Yeah, Vince?"  
  
"What subject are you looking forward to?"  
  
Harry hummed, and thought about it. "Well, Defense is fun, but Potions is my fa- that is, my caretaker's speciality."  
  
Everyone but Haben rolled their eyes. It was Gregory that picked up the conversation.  
  
"Harry, we all know Snape is your father, even though it isn't blood. But we won't tell our parents, because you're our friend." Gregory nodded, as if this finalized the negotiation, and went back to squinting at his chocolate frog card.  
  
Vincent smiled, and patted Gregory's shoulder. He didn't give an answer, but he gave Harry a small smile before turning his body to face his best friend.  
  
Pansy rolled her eyes when Harry turned to look at her, and she hid her face behind a magazine. Behind it, she mumbled. "Don't expect me to get mushy, now."  
  
Harry smirked at their embarrassment, before turning to look at his best friend. Draco looked bored, and he lazily rolled his eyes to look at Harry from the corner of his eye.  
  
"You already know I love you, you pest." Draco grumbled, hiding his red cheeks as best he could with his hair slicked back.  
  
Harry flushed, and hid his face behind the first book he grabbed. Thankfully, it was a potions book, and his embarrassment was soon forgotten as he read quietly.

* * *

Just as they had half an hour left, there was a knock on the door. Before Harry could confirm their identity, it slid open to reveal his sister.  
  
Her expression was curious, before she took in who was sitting with her brother, and her lip curled into a sneer.  
  
"Ha-arry!" Isabella whined, reaching out to grab him.  
  
Harry jerked back against Draco, making him knock into Pansy. They both gave Harry irritated looks, but Harry was more focused on his sister.  
  
"What are you doing with these _people_?" The way she worded it made it sound as if she were talking about flobberworms.  
  
"That's none of your business, Belles. Go back to your friends!" Harry frowned at his sister.  
  
Isabella tilted her head to look at her brother, before eyeing up the rest of the compartment. Her eyes landed on Haben, and there was a gleam that Harry didn't like.  
  
"Harry, who's this? Another of your freaky friends?"  
  
So far, Crabbe and Goyle hadn't partaken in talking, but when they heard Harry's sister insulting their new friend, they became quiet and still.  
  
The rest had stiffened, and Harry narrowed his eyes at her.  
  
"What did you just call Haben?"  
  
"Haben is its name? Hmm, kinda manly for a girl, don't you think?"  
  
Crabbe and Goyle sprung out of their seats, temporarily shocking Haben. Their hands were balled in fists, and the air around them crackled with their magic.  
  
Isabella warily watched the two boys, but she knew if it came down to magical prowess, she would win.  
  
Haben was taken out of his shock by Isabella's snort of amusement. Harry watched as Haben's eyes unfocused, as if seeing through Isabella, and fretted over whether he should give her a warning. Before Isabella could make another peep, her robe sleeve had caught on fire.  
  
The two boys sprang back and away from danger, and everyone but Harry watched amusedly as Isabella shrieked and ran back to her compartment, temporarily forgetting about Harry and his friends.  
  
As the compartment door was shut with a bang, Draco turned to face Haben with shining eyes.  
  
"That was wicked!" Draco gushed, and Haben's cheeks turned red.  
  
"It was nothing, really."  
  
Pansy nodded her appreciation. "That was very cool. If you don't get into the same House, let's continue being friends."  
  
Haben gave her an odd look before shrugging his compliance.  
  
Harry sat back in his seat. Inside, he was conflicted. On one hand, Isabella was his sister and it was his job to protect her as best as he could, but on the other hand, she had come first and bothered them. He wanted to laugh as carefree as his friends did, but he also had a warped sense of family loyalty.

* * *

Finally, just as Harry was getting antsy, the train slowed to a stop. Harry scrambled to get his robes in order, and he watched as the rest of them coolly put themselves together. A twinge of jealousy flashed through him, before realizing that half of these people grew up in more elegant circles than he did, and it only made sense that they were able to fake their calmness more than he was.  
  
Harry was sure that they were as nervous as he was.  
  
Harry exited the train first, and waited for his friends to pile after him. From a distance, he saw Blaise, and Harry waved when he turned. Blaise gave a two finger salute before joining a boy Harry hadn't seen before, but guessed to be Nott's son, going by the mousy features.  
  
Harry looked for Hagrid's towering form, and spotted him by the lake. Harry turned towards Haben with a smile, and took his hand in his. He pulled Haben towards the docks, with the rest trailing after Harry like chiclets.  
  
When they reached the docks, Haben pulled his hand out of Harry's loose grasp, and brought his shaking hands up to his chest. Harry watched bemusedly, and hoped he wouldn't be set on fire.  
  
Draco squeezed Harry's arm, and carefully lowered himself onto the boat. The boat threatened to tip, and Draco stiffened, grabbing the wooden seat as support. Finally, it stabilized, and Harry climbed in after him. The boats were big enough to hold four, so Haben and Pansy took the seats across from them, while Crabbe and Goyle were in a boat behind them with Blaise and the unknown boy.  
  
The sloshing water soothed Harry's frazzled nerves, and he grabbed Draco's hand when he saw the castle looming in the distance. He had lived here before, but he had never seen the castle this late or from this angle.  
  
Hogwarts, his home, was majestic in its grandiosity. Harry was sure that if he had not been raised here, he would have gotten lost.  
  
With that thought, he promised himself to show Haben around, and to show Draco the secrets of Hogwarts' corridors.


	2. Better Be...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry has a gift at making people notice him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YALL IM NOT DEAD, I'm just super busy with school and work. Update: I got accepted into college and am waiting for orientation to come up. I have another fucking series that I stupidly thought would be a good idea, and this one is for Undertale. 
> 
> I had half of this chapter saved for so long on my cell phone and I finally finished it today during class, and I have half of the next chapter because I realized I had to cut this chapter off before it got too long. 
> 
> Also I don't remember what happens after this, so I have to find an audio book. Do you guys know any for the books where I don't have to pay? Or even an online book/pdf

They were waiting in a large foyer, and Harry felt antsy. He knew, logically, that nothing bad would happen. He would be led into the great hall, then they would be called alphabetically.

His trepidation was his families reaction at his sorting. He was afraid they would try and force him to reSort, and he knew Dumbledore would do anything to prevent a family from being divided.

Not that he did such a good job with the Black's.

Harry looked to his left and saw a cool looking Draco. His face was set in a smaller version of his father's public mask, but Harry wasn't fooled. He knew Draco was just as nervous as a Muggleborn, and even if he hid his shaking hands in the sleeves of his robes, Harry knew his reactions to stress.

Harry moved closer to Draco, and touched the back of Draco's hand with the tips of his fingers. Draco glanced at Harry and turned his hand so his palm was facing outward. He took Harry's hand into his, and squeezed his cold fingers around Harry's stubby warm ones. Draco gave him a small smile before facing forward, his face a blank mask once more.

Harry squeezed Draco's fingers in shock at the shouts of fear somewhere ahead of them. They both turned to look at the kids who had shouted in irritation, and Harry wasn't surprised to see his sister scowling at the kids as well.

He could spot one chubby brown haired boy. Harry shifted his feet so he could see the front of his face and was surprised at the tears shining in the other boy's eyes. He gripped Draco's hand, and felt a little guilty at his sharp intake of breath.

He wondered what his sister had said to make the boy cry so much. He knew his sister could be almost as vicious as the Lestranges when she chose to be. He pulled Draco with him, and Draco reluctantly followed. By the time they were to the front of the crowd, they realized what had made everyone scream were ghosts. To Harry, who grew up with them, it was foolish to get scared over something so harmless; but he remembered there were Muggleborns here, and ghosts were regarded as paranormal and harmful.

Harry tapped on the tearful boy's shoulder, and he tensed up, as if waiting to be berated.

Slowly, the boy turned around, and there was a flash of surprise before it was quickly brought back to forlorn.

"Are you looking for someone?"

Harry pulled a struggling Draco closer to him, unwilling to let him go off to other sure to be Slytherin's. "What did Bella say to you?"

At the sound of her name, Isabella turned around from where she was talking to the Weasley's youngest boy. She scanned the crowd, looking for who had called her, when her eyes landed on her brother watching her. Her eyebrow rose, and she fully turned around, crossing her arms across her chest.

"Can I help you?" She said in her snottiest voice, alternating her glares at her brother and his friends. "Where's your freaky he-she friend, Haben or some other? Did you get bored of _it_ already?"

Haben had followed them, and turned around from looking at a portrait of a gallant knight and a swooning princess when he heard his name.

"Who called me?" Haben was looking at Harry curiously, but Harry just shook his head and glanced at his sister. Haben's eyes narrowed, before he pushed his way towards the front.

"Little girl, how's your sleeve? Is it still smoldering, or as black as your heart?" Haben sing-songed to Isabella, getting pleased as she flushed from the tips of her ears to her neck.

Just as Harry could see Isabella start reaching for her wand, Professor McGonagall opened the Great Hall doors with a bang. The doors were shut with a quick flick of her wand, and she stood in front of them, prim and proper.

Her eyes swept over the crowd, and Harry could see the way they softened when they landed on traditionally Gryffindor students, and harden at Slytherin families. Harry felt obliged to call her biased, but felt rather hypocritical at that thought, as he himself tended to dislike the Gryffindor's more than what was strictly necessary.

Sometimes he wondered what would have happened if his parents had just been a tad bit more involved in his life.

But as his Papa would say, there was no use crying over spilt milk.

McGonagall made her customary welcome speech, and before they entered the Great Hall for the first time, she straightened their clothes with a flick of her wand. Harry's tie tightened up enough to where it choked him, and he could see other boys around him wince and pull at their collars as well.

With a satisfied nod, McGonagall opened the Great Hall doors. To Harry, it was as awe-inspiring to see the Hall from a student perspective as it was from a guest's.

The sky loomed dark and cloudy. The clouds looked thick, and as if with any sudden movement, they would burst apart and pour on them. The new moon was shining brightly despite the clouds efforts to obscure it, and the stars twinkled as bright as Dumbledore's eyes.

Harry looked to his right, and smiled at Haben's look of childish pure joy and awe, his mouth was open in an "o" of wonder; to his left was Draco, and though his reaction was more dignified, Harry could still see the awe in his eyes. Harry felt his heart simultaneously throb and melt, and he couldn't help brushing his fingers against Draco's hand. Draco looked down, and seeing Harry's hand, he looked up with a smile that creased the corner of his eyelids. It was the first time Harry had seen such a smile on Draco since they were children, and Harry didn't realize how much he had missed it until now.

Harry wrapped his pinky finger around Draco's pinky, and watched in delight as Draco's cheeks turned pink.

Harry faced forward once more, and waited for the Sorting to begin. One by one, his friends and strangers were called forward, and it didn't pass by Harry that more people were getting into Gryffindor and Slytherin than usual. He thought it had something to do with the fact that many of these students had been the children of turncoats, betrayers, and fighters. They had been alive when Voldemort was alive, and when he had fallen. They had seen their families mourn for different reasons, and some had been sent to Azkaban.

Needless to say, some were as bitter or as foolish as their parents had been.

As Harry had been spacing out, he was shaken out of his thoughts when he heard his new friends name being called.

"Granger, Hermione!"

Haben scowled, and stomped towards the stool. He yanked the hat onto his head, and Harry stifled a laugh at the way the hat made his curls look like Einstein's hair. McGonagall blinked at the rude child. Harry could see her glancing at Dumbledore, and Dumbledore waving a hand, as if banishing a troublesome fly.

Severus was glaring at Harry, and Harry could only raise an eyebrow at him. Honestly, he was dressed appropriately and on time, what else could his Papa want?

Harry was about to scratch at his face before he remembered the glamour he had set up, and opted for sending a cooling charm on his cheek. He was afraid if he scratched himself, the glamour would waver, and would crash before he could fix it. Besides, there was more than just his appearance he wanted to hide, as Isabella's scratch had left a waxy, pale looking scar. That was the downside to magic: you could accelerate the healing process, but scars took longer to heal.

Harry watched as Haben was sent to Slytherin, and waited for Draco to go next.

Finally, after all the the other letters went, it was Draco's turn.

"Malfoy, Draco!" Mcgonagall boomed, and even Harry could hear the disapproval in her voice. Draco raised an elegant eyebrow, and used all the lessons his father had taught him about being a Malfoy in public. To anyone else, he looked conceited, but Harry could see the jerkiness in the way he moved.

' _He's_ _nervous_.'

Harry thought that it was endearing that after all the training Draco had been put through about etiquette, he could still be a child. He watched with bated breathe, nibbling on his bottom lip, hoping he was put in Slytherin as well.

"Slytherin!" Harry couldn't stifle the chuckle as the hat barely touched Draco's head before it had to come off again, and he watched as Draco sauntered over to Haben, slinging an arm around his shoulders. Harry smiled as Haben rolled his eyes in fond exasperation, before shrugging him off.

Harry didn't bother hiding a yawn as more people were Sorted before him; but as he heard his name and the accompanying whispers, his posture stiffened. He mirrored his Papa's walking, minus the billowing robes. The whispers from the upper years increased, as they recognized that stance.

He sat stiffly on the stool, and waited for the hat to cover his eyes. When it did, there was a cool feeling that brushed his mind, but the lingering smell of hundreds of other heads was distracting.

" _Oh, I can't be that bad, can I? I get cleaned once a year after the Sorting!_ "

Harry jumped at the abruptness of the Hat's voice. It was deeper than he had been expecting, but also higher than any man's voice he's heard. It felt like all four Founders had used their voices collectively, until it reached a range that was easy on eleven year old ears.

" _Smart boy, aren't you? But you're not very bookish, just powerful. Hmm.. Let's see here. You have the loyalty of a Hufflepuff, but you're also very cunning for having_ _deceived everyone you love for so long. And I see some bravery, yes._ "

Harry could feel a gentle rifling in his brain, and the feeling made shivers crawl up his spine.

" _Ah, Gryffindor by blood, but Slytherin by adoption. You prefer Slytherin, though. How interesting..._ "

Harry gulped and squeezed his eyes shut, " _Please hurry up, it stinks!_ " He hissed to the hat.

" _Alright, alright. Don't get your knickers in a twist, I've made my decision. Better be..._ **Slytherin**!"

The hall was quiet, before his Papa broke the silence with clapping. At that cue, the rest of the Slytherin's followed, overlapping the whispers that had now sprung up. Harry tore the hat off his head, and took a gulp of fresh air. As he rose to join his table, he spotted Draco moving so he created space between him and Haben. Harry thought it was touching, and gave him a grateful smile when he sat. Harry looked away, and spotted his sister watching him with bugged eyes and her jaw hanging open.

Draco giggled when Isabella's name had to be called twice, as the first time she was too busy gaping at Harry in shock. The second time, her delicate features twisted in disgust, so her wrinkled nose made her look like a piglet, and she stomped her way to the Hat. The whispers Harry had were nothing compared to how it was for Isabella. He heard snippets of _'Girl-Who-Lived!'_ from the Hufflepuff table, and some in Slytherin were remarking on how snobby she seemed. He didn't seem it necessary to fight them, as he felt the phantom sting from her nails.

That Hat seemed to sigh before it opened its slit of its mouth, and shouted out her House. "Gryffindor!"

Next to him, Draco muttered, "More like Gryffindork."

Harry's lips twitched, but he gave no other sign that he had heard the whispered insult. Haben, on the other hand, gave a hearty chuckle. Harry politely clapped for his sister, ignoring the looks his housemates were sending him with a shrug. Despite everything, his sense of loyalty for family was still high.

Harry wondered how long it would take before his parents sent him letters, or even a Howler from his father. Even if they sent a million Howler's, Harry didn't plan on leaving his House. It would give him easier access to his Papa in case of an emergency, and would be easier for Severus to protect him from Death Eaters and Voldemort if he knew his habits. Of course, it also made lying and pranking harder, and the punishment easier to dole out, but Harry figured the price was a small one to pay in exchange for his Papa's love and his and his friends safety.

Though he didn't always think that, especially while being punished.

Eventually, the Sorting ended, and Dumbledore stood up. Harry studied the man who had seemed to forget he existed, and fell for the Girl-Who-Lived hype. At one point, his Papa had said he had been angry at the Potter's for being able to callously leave their son behind, but once Isabella started showing accidental magic it had lessened into exasperation and finally resignation.

Dumbledore was nothing like what Harry had been expecting. By the way people talk about him, it made him seem as if he were ten feet tall, with his youth still intact, and practically pulsating magic. The real life version was still youthful for a wizard, but Harry could see the knobby joints of his fingers, and the bags under his eyes showing of multiple all-nighters. If Harry squinted, he was sure he could see the blue veins that ran under Dumbledore's parchment fine skin. In all, though he looked young in posture and exuberance, he also looked like his age- a frail old man.

Harry knew from Papa's stories that though he may look frail, he was not to be trifled with. Rumor was that Dumbledore had been planning to marry Grindewald, and had been willing to turn into a Dark Lord to keep his lover by his side, but once his little sister had died, a part of him had gone with her. With her death and repulsion to what he considered a beautiful gift-magic- it had forced him to rethink his morals and life, and to figure out what were his and which were influenced by his lover. Harry imagined it must have been painful, and very hard to leave everything he knew and loved behind, in the name of doing what was right, even if it hurt others, or yourself.

For that reason, he respected the old man. He wasn't in awe, or fearful, just an honest and steady respect.

Though some of that respect may have dwindled with his traditional beginning of the year and into exasperation. Looking at his Papa, he could see his glassy eyes and how hard he fought to not roll his eyes.

Turning back to the food, he dug in, famished. He was a growing boy, after all, and needed all the nutrients he could get.

Down the table, he heard upper years gossiping about Hogsmeade, and the new first years were making conversation amongst themselves. It sounded like buzzing bees to his ears, or a happy sort of chaotic. Harry could see Draco's smile was real, and it made him happy, and hopeful that it remained that way.

Scanning the rest of his year mates, he spotted Haben picking at his salad and yawning periodically. It seemed the Prefect also caught it, as instead of berating him for his lousy manners, he instead pushed the fork out of Haben's hand and guided his head to his shoulder. Harry couldn't see what the Prefect whispered into his ear, but it must've been permission to use his shoulder as a pillow, for Haben's eyelashes fluttered before closing.

Draco caught Harry's eye and they shared a fond smile at their new friend


	3. Home No. Who Knows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang moves in, and Snape has to have a family meeting with Harry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly this was just a filler

Once the feast ended, the Head of Houses came down to their table before they could be dismissed.

Haben was shaken awake by the Prefect, and they blinked and rubbed the sleep from their eyes, before they gave a big yawn that caused their jaw to make popping sounds. With a wince, they rubbed their jaw and turned towards his friends.

"Wassup?" Haben slurred sleepily, as the warm room and a full belly was making him go back to sleep.

Harry watched with trepidation as his Papa glided down to them and stopped behind Haben. He rose an eyebrow sharply at Haben's disheveled appearance, but decided for this one time he would let it go, as he was new and they were eleven, for crying out loud, they shouldn't be forced to stay awake this late on the first day.

"Slytherin's. I welcome you to a new year. Follow your prefect's to your dorms, and there I shall give you all a proper welcome." Snape gave them a nod, and walked away, to the directions of the side doors that Harry knew were reserved for teachers and led to shortcuts around the school.

Haben had nearly had a heart attack from fear when the Head of House had appeared behind him without a sound, and he was now currently hunched over with his hands on his knees and panting as if he had just ran a marathon.

Harry patted Haben's back while Draco collected their stray robes. He took up the front of the first years line, with Haben and Harry close behind.

As they made their way down, Harry could see Haben and a few other Purebloods getting more nervous as they went through more twists in the castle's hallways. He wondered if any of them knew that they sold maps of the basic Hogwarts layout at Diagon Alley, though it was understandable if they didn't, as they were tucked into a back corner near the Dark History books.

Finally, finally they reached the dungeon where Harry vaguely remembered visiting once or twice, always with a different carefully applied glamour than the one he currently used.

"Draconis." The Prefect called out to a blank wall, and slowly it opened to reveal a short hall leading into their great room.

The Prefect led them into a great cavern, and Harry stood in awe at the black leather and wing backed furniture that was bathed in green and gold light from the active fireplaces and the lake. It wasn't anything like he remembered. It was cold, certainly, and already he could see upper years casting warming charms on themselves and the younger kids. He wasn't too thrilled to find out how cold it could get in the winter. Or how much his breathing problems would flare up during it. As it was, he was already panting as if he had just ran instead of walked leisurely. He guessed he was getting too out of breath for too long, for Draco dug through his robe pockets for his potion. Two quick, sharp inhales and he was able to stand up on his own without leaning on anything.

A door next to the tapestry showcasing Hogwarts history opened and out came Professor Snape. He glided towards where the students were huddled- the fireplace- and stood there. The upper years knew what to do when they saw their Head of House, and they corralled the younger years and the Firsties to sit in the front.

Harry sat down on a cushion with Draco on his right and Haben on his left, and looked up at his Papa. From this angle, his Papa was every inch of the stern Professor that the students were afraid of.

Harry shivered as his Papa looked over them, but stopped his beady gaze on him. Snape's eyebrow rose as he took in Harry's fearful face, and he felt a pang where his heart was, but he reminded himself that some of these students were children of Death Eaters and turncoats.

' _No matter what_ , he told himself, _keep your son safe._ '

"Some of you may have grown up knowing certain... _Things_ , about Slytherin, but I assure you, we are much more than those stereotypes. They say we are manipulative, evil and dark, but we are cunning, intelligent, and above all else, loyal."

Snape circled the students once, eyeing them up and greeting old students. Finally, he came to stop in front of Harry and his friends. "And some of you may be wondering why a Potter got into Slytherin. I assure you, he belongs here just as much as the rest of you. The hat cannot be tricked, only nudged in the child's preferences. And if Mr. Potter preferred being here, we shall have to show him what Slytherin hospitality means."

Snape watched as his son's shoulders visibly sagged in relief. Draco nudged Harry with his shoulder, and grinned at him. Harry gave him a weak smile, but it seemed Draco was satisfied that he could smile at all. Around him, Snape could see glares of distrust slowly fading as they took in his carefully chosen words, and more contemplative looks took place.

All Snape wanted for Harry was to have a solid support system that extended outside of his two friends.

"Prefects, show the First Years where they will be staying. Name plates are posted outside the door. Three to a room, two being the minimum. In the mean time, Mr. Potter, if I could have a word?"

Harry knew that tone, and that was the you're-in-big-trouble-young-man tone. He rifled through his memories, trying to remember what he did wrong. Was his uniform messy, did he somehow embarrass Slytherin while in the Great Hall?

For the life of him, he couldn't remember.


	4. Oh, Shit!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Normal wasn't a vocabulary word in Harry's world

Harry trailed after his Papa like a duckling to its mother, and followed him down the hall until they were outside his Papa's quarters. Just as he was about to open his mouth to ask questions, Snape hushed him and pushed him into his quarters. Turning around, he watched his Papa place advanced Silencing, Locking and Anti-Peeking spells. He was ninety percent sure some of those his Papa had invented or enhanced for spying.

Finally, his Papa turned around and faced him. He got down on his knees and held open his arms, and Harry didn't hesitate to run into them. They circled around him like a safety boon, and Harry sighed as the tension left his body. Tears pricked at his eyes, and he was ashamed to be crying at this age.

Snape heard the sniffling below him and tightened his grip. With one hand, he reached up and held his son's head into his shoulder, and the other he left wrapped around his son's back.

"It's okay. I'll protect you, Harry."

"I-It's not that..." Harry hiccuped, "I know you'll always be there for me. I just... I'm scared. What will father and mom say? Isabella is probably Owling them as we speak."

Snape sighed and got off his creaky knees, and Harry stifled a laugh when they popped. From the glare Snape shot him, he was largely unsuccessful.

"Come, follow me into the living room for some tea. We have many things to discuss tonight."

Harry had a feeling he wouldn't like these discussions.

* * *

In the living room, there was plump couches and a reclining armchair overtaken by cushions. Amongst the pile, Harry could see one that Dumbledore had gifted a few months before Harry had been born.

It was here where he chose to sit. Judging by his Papa's rolling eyes, he must have looked like a little bird getting lost in a nest of marshmallows. But it was okay with Harry, because it was soft and warm.

"Practice your wandless magic. This one time I'll give you permission to be verbal. Make the tray with the tea and ingredients come over here, but don't spill anything."

Harry's face squished up in concentration, so he looked like a pug. After many tries, and muttered curses, he finally got the heavy tray to move across the room and to sit on the table before them. Despite how tired and sweaty he was, he was also proud of himself for having accomplished this.

A cold potion bottle touched his cheek, and he looked up to see his Papa leaning over with a Pepper-Up being offered.

"Just a sip, I don't want a little monkey to be awake all night."

Harry muttered under his breath, _''M not a monkey,'_ but took the offered potion anyway. A small sip, and he could feel his body healing itself. "Thanks, Papa."

Snape waved his hand in dismissal, but Harry could tell he was embarrassed by his thanks. Even now, years later, he was still unused to being thanked.

"Now, I called you down here for one thing, but first, I want to know why you were crying." As he spoke, he poured oolong tea into blue teacups, and mixed in sugars and lemons.

"Ugh, really? Do I have to?" Harry whined for the sake of it.

Snape's eyes rose to stare at Harry, and that was the only answer he needed.

Harry began with a sigh, "It's just... Bella is probably writing to mom and father right now, if she hasn't already. What are they going to make me do? Is father going to send a Howler, or are they going to try to Resort me? Are they going to blame you and say you tricked me? I- Papa, I'm scared."

Snape's chest ached at his son's weak and tremulous voice, and he put the teas down. Standing up, he walked over to Harry and made him move over. Snape was skinny enough and Harry small enough to where they could both fit on the armchair without straining, and Harry took advantage of this by laying his head on Snape's outstretched arm. He cuddled up to his Papa, and hid his face in his chest.

"If you receive a Howler, I assure you I and the other Slytherin's will be on your side. Some of them may not approve of you yet, but above all, they have been taught loyalty and to present a united front, even if there are inner house fights. And the ReSorting won't work, even if they fake the paperwork. The only way it can work is if the Hat sees your memories and deems that you're in true danger. It was spelled by the Founders in a way that can't be tampered with, no matter how powerful they may be. My guess is that they used their blood for the protection spells, but that's another story. If your family tries to harm you, or tries to disown you, we can just emancipate you. We were talking about it, weren't we? You're a little too young for emancipation, but I'm sure once the Goblins see the situation, they would be willing to let you give up your family rights in all but name. You can call Ragnok for more information."

Harry frowned and showed his face. "But why can't you adopt me?"

"Ah, well, you see. They don't trust my loyalties, and can you really imagine senior Potter and Black letting me adopt you without creating a fuss?"

Harry smiled up at him, amused at the images running through his head. He could imagine Sirius getting so angry he turned into the Grim, and James getting so frustrated and confused that he would just question everything.

"Emancipation. Okay, I think I can do that. But where would I stay?"

Snape flicked Harry's forehead, and Harry pouted at his Papa with a hand over his injured forehead. "With me, you silly boy. Where else would you stay? Hogsmeade?"

"Where would I stay most of the time, I meant!"

"During the school year, you could sleep in the dorms or in your room here. During the summer, we could travel between the Malfoy's and the family home."

"Speaking of Malfoy's..." Harry started off, but was cut off by his Papa.

"We have to tell them your identity."

Harry sat up so quickly the pillows fell off the chair and fell to the floor with thumps. "Are you _crazy_? They don't know Occlumency!" Harry shouted in fear and confusion.

Instead of getting angry at Harry's tone, Snape sprawled out over the chair, effectively pushing Harry to the edge. Harry refused to get up, and instead carefully balanced himself so he wouldn't fall but would still be comfortable.

"Watch your tone, young man. I was going to suggest that Narcissa teach Draco the beginning stages. You're both too young to learn advanced Occlumency, as your brains are not fully developed, but if something happens this year, I'll slowly start teaching you and instruct Narcissa to start Draco's training as well. I once tried teaching Lucius, but he did not trust me enough at the time. We decided to let Narcissa teach him, since she is as skilled as I am and has a much gentler approach, and he trusts his wife as much as a man in his position is allowed to.

"But we have to tell them. We cannot keep lying to them. They are the closest thing we have to family, and if you drag it out longer, Draco will resent you for keeping it secret. We need them now more than ever, and vice versa. Now that you're in Hogwarts, things will start heating up again. People will want you dead. Harry, please help me make my job to protect you easier."

Harry had started crying mid speech, but even he couldn't argue that logic. He took big, calming breathes the way he was taught and practiced mindfulness to center himself. "Okay, okay. Okay, but what about Haben? He needs protection too."

Snape watched with hooded eyes as Harry practiced mindfulness to center himself, and he was rather proud that he was able to accomplish it. "Ah, yes, the transgender student. How did you find out?"

"Mom took one look at him and her motherly instincts kicked into gear. I think Aunt Cissy would like Haben, they're both fiery and don't take anyone's sass lying belly up."

"If worse comes to worse, they will be added into our curriculum. I rather think they will enjoy dueling, and if they show potential in potions or defense, I may be obliged to waive his potion fees, as long as he can help me on the weekends with either to pay it off."

Harry gave a small smile and a shrug of his shoulders.

Snape got them back on track. "It's still early for the Malfoy's, so when you leave I'll Floo call them, and arrange a meeting for tomorrow, since it will be Saturday. I will not allow this to drag out."

Harry nodded thoughtfully, "Do you want me to tell Draco if he's still awake, or wait for mail tomorrow morning?"

"It's better for him to be summoned by his parents than for him to question you. He'll ask less questions if his parents tell him."

Harry yawned, and stretched his arms above his head. "Hey, can we apply Dittany now? The scar is almost gone and I think it could go away now applying this just one time."

Snape frowned and hummed. " _Accio_ Essence of Dittany. Thank you for reminding me, son." The little brown bottle slapped into his hand, and he carefully opened it so as not to spill a single drop. No matter how good he was as a Potions Master, Dittany was still a valuable and costly ingredient.

Harry sighed as he took down his glamours and held his cheek up for inspection. "How is it?"

"Still a bit pink, but I think you were right about needing this only once. Are you sure you do not want to keep it?"

"No, as much as I'm angry at Bella for hitting me, I can't hate her. She's my sister and I love her."

"That makes you the only one, for I cannot stand her whining."

Harry rolled his eyes as he heard the same argument each time Bella did something to him. He knew his Papa would never like Bella, but sometimes it just got personal.

Snape set the potion aside and watched as the scar slowly faded from existence. Stepping back, he surveyed his son under the glamours. He was starting to lose some of the skin tone he had built up over the summer, but he would never pass for light skinned even during the worst of winters, and he could see bags forming under his eyes.

Right on cue, Harry yawned and reapplied his glamours with some effort. "Can I go back yet?"

Snape sighed once before summoning the energy to get up. "Yes, yes. Would you like a sleeping or calming draught?"

Harry made his way to the door, and thought about it. "Calming for a bit of tonight and more for tomorrow morning, in case father and Sirius write."

Snape was too tired to summon it with another _Accio_ so instead he walked to his medicine cabinets and took it out manually. While he put back the Dittany, he surveyed the Calming Draught for freshness. It was a clear potion that the drinker could mix with their food or drink, or they could take it straight from the bottle. The bottle was a shimmery red glass, while the stopper was a deep copper.

Walking back to the main room, he kneeled down so he was at better eye level with Harry. "You remember how to take this, don't you?"

Harry nodded and pocketed the offered potion after having admired the colors. "Papa, I have one last question before I leave."

Snape was getting off his knees when he had to stop, so instead he squatted down. He gestured with a hand for Harry to continue.

"Where's my phoenix and owl?"

Snape blinked and chuckled. "Your owl is in the Owlery, safe and warm and fed. Your phoenix is still back at Prince manor, and is being cared for by the house elves after I gave them Nicholas' instructions. Before we left, they said that your phoenix should be born soon. I wasn't sure how soon is soon, but I left after they promised they would call for us when it looked to be hatching, so you won't miss the birth of it."

"I hope it's a girl, so my owl has a companion and not a lover."

"What will you do if your owl ends up taking a liking to your phoenix, even if it is a girl?"

"Ugh, Sev! Stop!" Harry covered his ears with his hands, "I don't want to have nightmares!"

Snape got out of his now uncomfortable squat and ruffled Harry's hair. "Off to bed with you, hooligan. If someone asks, tell them I was discussing with you what it means to be Slytherin."

Harry slowly lowered his arms in distrust, and let them rest by his sides when he saw the conversation truly was over. "G'night then, Papa, and I will."

With that, Harry opened the door and quickly walked back to the dorms. When he eventually found his shared room, he wasn't surprised to see Draco and Haben already fast asleep. Draco had claimed the fireplace that was customary in each student's rooms, while Haben got the bed closest to the door, leaving Harry to have the middle bed to the right of the window facing the lake. It had been a long and emotional day for all three, and all Harry wanted was to sleep and forget.

He stripped down to his boxers, and slipped under the green silk sheets. He took a quick sip of the Calming Draught, before hiding it in a bedside drawer. His wand he hid underneath his pillow, and slowly, with the ticking of the clock to accompany him, he drifted off to sleep watching the shadows cast by the fireplace.


	5. Shit Hits the Fan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry you diddly darn fucked up, kiddo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I only finished this because I read a spirk fic where Jim had terminal illness at one am, then at noon I blasted party music until my car windows shook. 
> 
> I hear disgrace and think of the Lion King, is that weird?
> 
> On another hand, come scream at me on tumblr to write faster and not get distracted repeatedly: @ sneepsnape

Harry woke up blearily the next day, and was treated to the sight of Haben half hanging out of his bed. Harry wondered if all the blood would rush to his head before waking up.

He closed the beds curtains behind him, and shuffled to the bathroom. There he found Draco using the shower, and while he waited, Harry used the loo and brushed his teeth. He contemplated waking up Haben, but figured he could get Draco to do it once finished with the shower.

Harry went back to the bedroom and looked through the closets. Rumor was that the personal house elves would come during the night of the first day and put their clothes in the closets, and he wanted to see if that was true.

It seemed it was, because in the second closet he found his clothes, but it was mixed with Draco's clothes. He imagined Haben got his own closet for privacy, and his next thought was wondering which elf moved his clothing.

The door to the bathroom opened, and Harry turned around to see Draco shivering from suddenly leaving the steamy room. He had a towel wrapped around his waist to protect some modesty, but his hair was droopy and leaving drops on his flushed shoulders. Draco nudged Harry aside so he could look for his clothes, and ended up choosing a black jumper with black chinos.

Just as Draco was about to start changing, Haben started to stir. There was a loud thump followed by a string of curse words, and Harry ran away so his laughter wouldn't be heard.

He left the door open a sliver, so Haben could come in and do his pre shower work. Harry hoped Draco had left some warm water, but knowing him, he knew there was a slim to no chance of that happening.

It was as he predicted, and his shower time was reduced to as quickly as humanly possible. It wasn't like Harry cared too much about appearances, but he knew Slytherin's cared, and his Papa would hunt him down if he didn't take care of himself.

When he opened the shower curtain, he peeked out first to see if Haben was inside, but it seemed he was finished so Harry walked out and quickly dried himself off against the chilly air coming in from the half open door. Harry didn't always have the brightest ideas, and this was one.

Compared to Draco, he had simpler clothing. A long sleeved shirt and blue jeans paired off with a pair of tennis shoes, and he was set for the day. He would probably have to change clothes for the Malfoy's arrival, so he wanted to remain as comfortable as possible while it lasted.

Exiting the bathroom, he found Draco trying to fight Haben into what looked like Draco's clothes. Glancing at Haben's clothes on his bed, he could guess Draco was close to having what Harry affectionately called a "fashion meltdown."

"Just get into this bloody sweater! We're the same size!"

Haben shrieked and ran to the other side of the room, throwing Harry's bed in between the crossfire. "I bloody won't! I said I won't!"

Harry knew Haben was going easy on Draco because he was Harry's best friend, but Harry could see the beginnings of a wild eyed-ness, the way his eyes darted around the room for a viable exit, the way his breathing sped up until he was in a state of near panic.

Harry sighed and did what he did best: he sacrificed himself by throwing himself head first into the storm.

"Stop it, guys! Draco, put that sweater down. Haben, calm down and listen to his reasons first."

Draco looked sullen, but Harry brandishing his wand like a sword was enough to convince him to back off. Harry watched Haben and counted to ten Mississippi in his head. By ten, Haben wasn't panting as if he had just run a marathon. There was less of a wild look in his eyes, but his body was still tense, though whether it was fight or flight, Harry wasn't sure.

Harry threw the sweater at Haben and was grateful he was aware enough to grab the sweater before it fell to the floor, for he was sure Draco would have had a coronary.

"Draco is lending you his clothes until we can go shopping for your own because Slytherin has a reputation. They must be immaculate, timely, and ready. To do so otherwise is to bring great shame to our House. And yes, I'm quoting Professor Snape, sue me.

Draco is trying to preserve his- our- House' reputation. We already have enough hate from the other Houses, don't tack on more, please. I'm not sure we could handle it."

At that, Harry gestured to the bathroom, and waited until the door was closed behind Haben before turning to a smug Draco. His arms were crossed, and Harry was royally ticked off.

"Why, Draco? You know he's probably scared, or feeling nervous, or something. Why did you have to add to it?"

Draco looked shocked before a sullen look crossed his face. "I was just teasing him."

"I doubt Haben knows the difference between teasing and bullying. When he comes back out, apologize."

Draco scoffed and shook his head.

Harry brought out the big guns. He fluttered his eyelashes and gave Draco a pout. "Pretty please?"

Draco's right eye twitched before he huffed and turned away. The fact that he hadn't said no was good enough for Harry.

Harry sat on his bed and waited for Haben to come back out. A few minutes later, just as Harry was contemplating if he could sneak in another pet, Haben peeked out from behind the door.

Harry smiled as Haben's eyes darted around shyly, and there was a flush starting around his ears.

"Come out, then, don't be shy. We still have to go to breakfast." Draco gestured impatiently and Haben rolled his eyes so hard Harry was afraid for Haben's health for a minute.

Finally, Harry watched as Haben inhaled slowly, took a gulp, and walked out with his back straight and chin pulled up. A low whistle escaped Draco as he caught sight of his friend in his clothes. Before, he thought Haben looked a bit scraggly, but with clothes that actually fit, he looked rakish. Except for that damn hair.

Draco sighed and dug through his cabinet for hair products. His mother always told him to be prepared, and if he didn't use it, the female Slytherin's were bound to at one point.

"Come here, let me fix your hair." Draco patted his bed, and while they were distracted, Harry snuck the calming potion into his satchel. If they were to look over now, they would just see him shoving a folded jumper into his satchel, since it was too warm upstairs for anything but his dress shirt and a robe.

Harry was attempting to tie his own tie when Haben let out a yelp of pain. He turned around quickly, and had to stifle a snicker at Haben glaring at the hairbrush in Draco's hair.

"Do you ever brush your hair?" Draco snarked.

"Of course I do! Every time I shower, when I wake up and go to bed. It's not my fault it gets tangled!"

Draco sighed and gave up on brushing it out. Instead, he put mousse on his hands and ran it through Haben's hair as best as he could. "I think that should be okay, but just in case, you should ask one of the girls to borrow a hair tie, since it might get in your way later. If you want, I'll braid it for you. Mother taught me how to braid since Father dislikes having his hair in his face while he works in his study."

Haben just shrugged, indifferent.

"Are we ready to go, boys? I'm starving over here." Harry dramatized it by putting a hand on his stomach and the other on his forehead, and pretended to faint.

Haben just pushed ahead of the ridiculous boys and waited outside in the hallway. "Well, weren't you starving?"

* * *

By the time they finally found their way upstairs, Harry was grumbling at the lousy map he had bought. They had had to ask portraits and upper years for help, and many times had to turn around when they reached a dead end. Even after having practically grown up here, Harry found it challenging to remember everything clearly. Most of the time, when he wasn't sneaking off, he was in Sev's quarters being babysat by the elves, and when he was home and available, they went outside or brewed potions. There were a few times in Harry's memories where he could remember going to the Great Hall for special occasions once old enough to behave.

Inside, there were a substantial amount of people, but it seemed breakfast had just started, for morning post hadn't arrived yet. Blaise had done them a solid and saved a seat for the three of them closest to the teachers tables, meaning Harry was closest to Professor Snape.

Draco sat next to Harry, with Haben on the other side. Across from them was Blaise and Pansy, who were hogging the fruits and cranberry juice.

Harry was too nervous to eat, so instead he picked at the simple oatmeal he had chosen and took small occasional bites. He was getting antsy for post, and his friends must have noticed this, for they left him alone for once instead of pestering him.

Finally, finally, a muggleborn Hufflepuff first year cried out, and Harry knew that it was time. His stomach was a ball of nerves, and while everyone was looking up to see if they received anything, he quickly snuck a swig of the calming potion. To get rid of the taste, he nicked Draco's orange juice.

As owls came in with grey parchment post and some with packages, Harry spotted the lone red letter. His stomach dropped as it careened it's way towards him, and just when he thought he was going to get hit in the head with a wing, the owl landed safely in front of him. It dropped off the letter, and is if knowing what would happen, it quickly flew off before Harry could offer it a treat or a place to stay to rest.

Harry gulped and gripped Draco's hand until he hissed in pain, but he didn't let go. With a shaky hand, he opened the letter and jerked back as it came to life.

Harry's fathers voice rang around the quiet hall, "How _**dare**_ you. You are a disgrace to the Potter name. You little... You _**disgrace**_. If family bonds didn't matter to your mother so much, I would have disowned you, and cut off your ties to the Potter name. But it was decided your mother and I are coming to Hogwarts in the evening. We will be discussing your ReSorting. I advise you to think thoroughly of how much shame you are bringing to our name by being in the house of evil, slimy future dark lords. Oh, and if Belles is there, remember princess, to not let anyone tell you you are less than perfect. Have a nice day, sweetie."

Harry looked up and across to where he had last spotted Bella, and instead of seeing the smug smirk he had expected, she had her head buried in her arms in embarrassment with her housemates teasing her and making kissy faces at her. For a minute, his anxiety was forgotten at seeing Bella having fun, but it came back when he remembered that his friends were staring at him, expecting him to either cry or agree.

He didn't want to meet their gazes just yet, so he turned his head in search of his Papa. Growing up around a spy had its perks, because his Papa always knew how Harry felt without him having to speak. Right now, his throat felt tight, and his chest felt like an elephant was sitting on it. His hands felt clammy and they shook. In short, Harry was _terrified_. So much so that the anxiety made it feel as if he were choking, but he didn't want to take his potion this early and with so many people around.

His father, on the other hand, was cool and collected. His eyes were on Harry, and instead of coming down like he wanted to, he merely raised an eyebrow. Unbeknownst, Snape's calm manner was helping to calm Harry down himself. He figured if his Papa wasn't freaking out, then he shouldn't be either. Harry continued to stare into his Papa's eyes for a while longer before he let out a shuddery sigh, and turned back to his housemates.

He gave them a weak smile when they stared at him in either concern or hostility. "It'll be fine. They can't take me away from here. Professor Snape told me that yesterday, and I trust him to not lie to me."

Haben gave Professor Snape a distrustful glance, but listened to Harry's words. He knew the man better than he did, at any rate. Though the man gave him the creeps, he would just have to watch his and his friends back.

Once the fuss over the Howler was over, Draco turned back to the letters he had received. He had read the letter from his father ordering him to meet them in Professor Snape's quarters in the afternoon for a family meeting. He didn't say much, but it sounded as if Uncle Severus had big news to tell. He idly wondered if it had to do with his and Harry's secrets. 

* * *

Afternoon came quicker than Harry or Draco had wanted. They had passed the time with Harry being forced to give a tour, even though he didn't know the castle very well either. They had ended up going outside to the lake, as that was the area Harry knew best.

Haben hadn't believed them when they told tales of the giant squid, but was quickly swayed when they had been splashed by one of his tentacles.

After that, it was just a matter of going inside to change and play games in the Common Room.

After lunch, Draco and Harry left Haben to travel to Snape's personal quarters. Harry felt his stomach twist into knots, and wished he had more calming potion, but logically he knew if he took any more he was in danger of overdosing. The older he got, the more medicine his body could handle.

Before Harry could knock, they were ushered inside by Aunt Cissy's soft but insistent hands. "Come, come. Tea is prepared already."

Her wispy voice led them to Snape's living room, and Harry was disappointed to see the armchair was occupied by the man who lived here. Harry gave him a pout, surprised when instead of fighting, Snape just moved aside and patted the free space. He must have been feeling anxious too to give up so easily.

Though Harry did take advantage of the free space.

Draco sat between his parents and gazed around in wonder. Most holidays were spent at Malfoy Manor, so each time he came to his uncle's school quarters was a treat because it was different each time. Snape cleared his throat and got the attention of the Malfoy's.

"I need you all to promise me something. If you cannot comply, I will have to erase your memory of this meeting for Harry's protection."

Lucius was the one who spoke up. "An oath, Severus? Truly?"

Snape locked eyes with Lucius, and Lucius was surprised at the determination in them. "I will not have my son harmed by anyone or anything, including family."

Lucius and Narcissa shared a look before they came to a mutual agreement. They lifted their wands and chanted an oath to keep their secrets within them, or risk being harmed. Once the magic had accepted their oath, and golden tendrils had snaked up their arms and to their hearts, they coached Draco. Though fumbling and awkward, he managed to successfully do it.

"Now, this may come as a shock, and you may be angry, but please listen before you ask questions. When Harry was eight, he and I invented a potion to help trauma and amnesiac patients remember memories in a safe and faster way. Though at the time it didn't go as planned, and we had to remodel the potion, Harry did discover something important.

On the night of Halloween, the night the Dark Lord disappeared, he discovered that the one person they all thought was the Savior was, well, wrong. Isabella Potter is not the Girl Who Lived. In fact, it's Harry. Harry was the one child who was attacked first. At first, I thought the potion had messed up, so I tested it on myself later that same night. It didn't make a mistake."

Snape paused to catch his breath, and took in the Malfoy's shocked expressions. Even Draco, who Harry had expected to be angry, just looked surprised.

"Please say something." Harry pleaded.

"I always knew something was wrong, but I did not imagine it would be this. I knew you and Severus had your secrets, but..." Lucius straightened up and stared at Severus, "but above all, you are family. We are surprised, yes, and even a little angry at being kept out of this for so long, but whatever we can do from now on, within our powers, we will. You are our brother, and our godchild."

Narcissa nodded in agreement. She prodded Draco for his response, but he was caught between indignation and surprise. He couldn't take his eyes off of Harry.

"So that scar on your chest, it's more than just magical residue, isn't it? It's not just asthma. It's a physical link between you and _him_."

Harry blinked before he shrugged. "I guess it is if you think about it like that."

"Bloody hell, Harry! When were you going to tell me?" Draco finally exploded, and his anger was something to behold.

"Well, I wanted to tell you immediately when I found out, but Papa said to wait until Hogwarts. Why did you say to wait? You never gave me a solid reason why."

All eyes were on Snape, and if he were a lesser man, he would have fidgeted. "I wanted to wait until I knew Draco could handle the news. I wanted to wait until you could protect each other adequately. I wanted to wait until we were at Hogwarts so the children could be safer from outside forces."

Draco sighed and buried his hands in his face, "I feel like my entire life is a lie."

Harry snorted, "Ditto to that."

Draco raised his head and gave Harry a small smile before it disappeared. "When will you tell your birth parents?"

Harry frowned and kicked a leg idly. "Hopefully, not for a long time. Actually, speaking of them, they're coming here in the evening for a ReSorting. Do you want to come and support me once the Hat says his decision is final? You can watch me get either emancipated or disowned. We can go out for ice cream after!"

Snape and Lucius simultaneously groaned at their children's plotting. The last thing either wanted was hyperactive children. Narcissa rolled her eyes at their dramatics, but asked what everyone else was thinking.

"Harry, dear, if you do become emancipated, how will you pay for your schooling? A teacher's salary can only stretch so far, even with living a Spartan existence."

Harry coughed awkwardly and gave her a shy smile. "Well, you remember that bracelet I gave you a while back? The pretty green one that you said reminded you of a coiled snake? Let's just say I didn't exactly buy it, but er, made it? Everything I hand made. As for Papa, well, he is the last living Prince, and they weren't exactly beggars."

Narcissa rolled up the sleeve of her dress while Harry was talking and examined the bracelet closely. Now that she was looking for it, she could see the rough edges in the emeralds and nicks in the bracelet itself. It was still a beautiful gift, but now it meant more knowing Harry had put so much time, magic, and effort into it. She gave him a sweet smile, and Harry blushed and looked away.

"So, yeah. I'm sorry I lied for so long, Draco. I wanted to say something, but I couldn't."

"It's- fine, but how will my family be protected?"

Snape took over the reigns, "And that is where Narcissa and I take over. Are you still upholding your Occlumency?"

Narcissa sniffed and held her chin up. "Every day and at night."

"Lucius?"

"I haven't as much as I should, so I have to brush the dust off, but yes, I remember how to do the beginning stages. Full Occlumency, no, I regrettably do not remember."

Snape nodded. "Very well, Narcissa can teach you how to fully occlude, while she and I can teach Draco the beginning stages. If that doesn't work, Harry can teach him. They can both learn in a few years how to fully occlude, but for now it is better if they learn how to center themselves and to practice mindfulness."

Draco shimmied off of the couch and gestured for Harry to follow him. "We're gonna- er, going to go find our friend Haben. In the mean time, Harry and I are going to have our own heart to heart. We'll meet you back here at six so we can go to the Headmaster's office. See you!"

Before he could be reprimanded for his lousy language, he took Harry's hand and ran away laughing.

Harry was shocked at how easygoing Draco was after this news, but once they stopped running, for Draco knew Harry had limits, he could see the stress lines around his eyes. Though he smiled at Harry, it was strained and it looked as if he were clenching his teeth to keep from screaming.

"Let's go to the pitch, we can talk privately in the air. Just don't tell your dad, so he doesn't report us. We can tell him we went to the lake."

Harry shrugged and nodded. He squeezed Draco's hand and was grateful that some of the anger and frustration seemed to bleed off of Draco's frame, but much of it remained in the way he walked as if a stick were stuck up his ass.

Whatever happened though, Harry knew he could trust Draco with his life.


	6. Heart to Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bring some tissues, Harry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Never, ever let me write a whole chapter past midnight. Not when I'm supposed to be sleeping
> 
> WARNINGS:  
> 1\. Mental illness  
> 2\. Casual swearing

When they got to the pitch, Harry was thankful it was empty. Most people were inside getting to know their housemates, the castle, or were at the lake teasing the squid.

As the air was cooling, and it got closer to night, Harry spotted a few students walking back inside. Some of them sneered at them for being Slytherin's, while most just ignored them. Harry didn't know which one he preferred, and for the first time he questioned if he had made a good decision in being put in Slytherin.

Looking over at Draco, he wondered what would have happened to him had they not been friends. If he had been in Gryffindor instead of Slytherin. Somehow, the thought terrified him a bit.

It seemed all that Harry felt since starting Hogwarts was fear and anxiety. It was a premonition that he didn't really want to get too deep into.

The brooms were locked up in the shed, but as they were now at Hogwarts and could legally perform magic, Harry took the skills he had learned under the Flamel's tutelage and whispered an _Alohomora_. Draco raised an eyebrow, but kept watch outside while Harry grabbed two brooms.

Finally, Harry found two decent brooms near the back wall, and he carefully dragged them out. He closed the door behind him with his foot but made sure it stayed unlocked before tossing the broom at Draco. He got onto the broom and slowly kicked off, as these brooms were prone to act out and zoom off. Over the years, he had watched Papa brew potions for first year students who had gotten overexcited or fearful and lost control of their brooms.

Draco laid down over his broom, and made sure they weren't too high off of the ground in case one of them slipped off their wonky broom. Harry sidled up next to him and mirrored his pose, his arms crossed on the handle with his thighs gripping the tail end for balance. Harry was afraid of falling, but he knew at this height the most he would get would be a fracture, if even that.

"Alright, Dragon, talk."

Draco exhaled and turned his head so he was facing Harry. Their foreheads were close to touching, but their knees bumped every so often. They were close enough that Harry could feel Draco's exhales. Weirdly enough, it sent flutters to his stomach. He couldn't think about it too much, because Draco started talking.

"I just don't understand. I know why you lied, I _understand_ that. I would have done the same. I just... What happens now? No matter what, you can never be a normal kid. What happens when they find out? Will we still be friends? What happens if You-Know-Who comes back, and the people you love are forced into servitude. What then?"

Harry sighed and looked away. As he thought of his answer, he squinted at the sun's reflection off a goal post. Deep in the forbidden forest, he heard howling. Looking closer, he could see the trees ruffling from the same wind that was blowing his hair into his eyes.

"When I was five, I was told I was going to meet a spoiled, but well meaning little boy that was my age. Papa told me that he hoped this boy would be my best friend, and maybe one day, a lover. At that age, spoiled meant Isabella, so I was expecting the worse," Harry trailed off with a watery laugh, "But when I got there, when I met you, it was like nothing else mattered. It was just you, and I, and how I could keep your attention on me for years to come. Draco, at five years old, you were the second most important thing in my life. Papa was first. Now? Now I don't know, but you and papa are the most important people to me. I would _die_ for you.

If Voldemort comes back and threatens you, threatens my family, I won't forgive him. I will make sure he dies before letting him harm you. But, if your parents say it's too dangerous to continue being friends, I think I can understand that. I won't enjoy it, but your safety is more important. Draco, I- I just. I'm still Harry, Draco. I'm the kid who watched you throw a tantie because you couldn't animate your stuffed toys to drink the tea at that tea party. I'm the kid who slept in your bed and they nicknamed us otters because we didn't let go of each other even in our sleep. I watched you barf your way through illnesses and overeating. I watched you grow up. Draco, before being the Savior, or whatever, _I'm still Harry_."

Harry sniffled and glared at the sun above him. He was hoping he could excuse his watery eyes on the sun. He was brought out of the nearly blinding trance by Draco slapping him across the shoulder blade.

"You dingus! I wanted to be angry, to yell and fight with you. How do you expect me to stay angry after that, huh?" Draco continued to slap Harry before he finally gave up and slouched onto the broom. Harry barely heard the whispered _fuck_ that came from Draco.

Peeking from behind his arms, Draco caught Harry staring at him in concern. He pursed his lips in concentration, before smiling. "You wanna fight to get it out of our systems, then pretend this never happened?"

Harry was shocked, and he reared backwards too quickly, for he almost fell off the broom head over ass.

" _What_?"

"Come on, it'll be therapeutic, or something. Or how about we scream our frustrations about the other person to the sky? Here, I'll start."

Draco cleared his throat and prepared himself to scream, "I hate how Harry keeps so many secrets!"

Draco coughed but gave Harry a smile. "See? Works wonders."

Harry gave a disbelieving laugh. "You're crazy!"

Draco shooed him and prodded at him to continue.

"Fine, fine. Ugh, okay. Uh... I hate how Draco doesn't think before he speaks!"

"Okay, wow. I hate how Harry is too nice!"

"What the hell, Draco?"

"What? It's going to come back to haunt you one day."

"Fine, fine. Okay. I hate when Draco shoves his cold feet under mine in bed! Wait a minute..."

Draco broke into an ugly laughter with snorts mixed in. "What kind of confession was that? You sounded like an old man!"

Harry flushed red and murmured a _shut up_.

Draco got the last of his chuckles to die down before he closed his eyes and let the sun warm him up. As it was autumn, the air was getting chillier as night got closer. Harry was about to ask Draco something when he looked over and the question died in his throat.

Draco's hair was nearly blinding as it caught the sun's reflection at just the right angle, and his pale eyelashes looked golden against his nearly alabaster skin- skin he had inherited from his mother. But it was the tears running down his pink cheeks and the wobbling lips that stopped Harry from speaking.

Draco's voice was gravelly when he spoke up. "I'm afraid of there being a second war. I'm afraid of losing Harry, of him dying, while all I can do is watch and pretend it's not killing me inside to stand aside and let it happen. I'm afraid of losing myself to a war, or my parents being branded into servitude again. I'm afraid to be a Slytherin. Merlin, I'm afraid."

Harry's mouth felt dry when Draco's eyes opened, silver so pale by the sunlight that Harry could get lost in them. 

Harry looked away and scrunched his eyes closed. "I'm afraid, too. I'm afraid of dying over trying to save people who don't care about me. I'm afraid that the friends and family I have now won't be there in the future. I'm afraid of what Voldemort's return means for Papa. I- I'm afraid to be abandoned, but I know it has to happen, because one day Voldemort _will_ return, and my freedom and privacy will disappear after that. I'm afraid if I told you all my secrets you would hate me. I'm afraid of you leaving, of Papa getting tired of my asthma problems, of my mental problems with anxiety, and him just leaving. I'm afraid to lose my family over some stupid misunderstanding, of losing my sister to some power play. I- bloody hell, Dragon, we're a mess, aren't we?"

Draco gave a slightly hysterical laugh, but reached for Harry's hand and squeezed it once he got it. Their palms were sweaty from gripping the brooms, but it didn't matter to either of them. Instead of facing each other, they watched the sun go down for a few more hours until it was near the time they had agreed to meet their parents.

By that time, they were shivering from the cold, but neither had wanted to leave the silence just yet. They wanted to relish each other's company while they had it, because deep down they knew it wouldn't last forever.

As Draco was starting to pull away, Harry squeezed his hand in a small attempt to get him to stay.

Harry looked up at the sky and watched the waning sun coincide with the quickly brightening moon. If Harry squinted hard enough, he could spot the Northern Star. Waxing lyrical within his own mind, it reminded him of Bella and himself. Always there, always present, but never at the same time. No matter how close they got to each other, there would always be a distance.

"We'll be okay, right?" Harry whispered.

Draco stared at his best friends reflection, and squeezed his hand before letting go. "Yeah, we'll be okay."

At least today, tonight, they would be. They had each other. 


	7. Dun Dun Dun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yikes . com

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warnings:  
> 1\. Threatening  
> 2\. Child abuse (?)  
> 3\. Dissociation

By the time Harry and Draco walked back to the castle, the sun was almost gone and the moon was shining brightly. Harry was thankful it was almost a full moon, because it was bright. On another hand, Moony wouldn't be here to calm down Sirius or father, and that task would be left to his mother. Not that she was weak or defenseless, but he was afraid of her getting accidentally hurt.

As they were walking down to the dungeons, Harry's chest started to hurt. It seemed being up in the air so long had caused his asthma to flare up, even if he had barely moved. There were days where he could be up there all day above the posts and be fine, and other days he would spend five minutes hovering above his father and need to come down after having an asthma attack. Harry liked to blame it on the changing seasons, especially now that it was autumn and things were dying or starting to hide.

Draco stopped and turned around as Harry stopped walking and sat down on the steps. He was hunched into himself, and his arms circled his chest. It was a pseudo of a hug, but Harry would take it, even if it meant breathing was harder while leaning over.

It was a comfort thing, not that he would ever admit it, because that would lead into why he needed comfort in the first place. It was just downhill from there.

Draco squatted down in front of him and patted his forearm. "Do you need me?"

"N-No. Go- find parents." Harry wheezed at him, waving him off. He just needed a few minutes to sit down, maybe a few sniffs of the potion. He was just tired, and didn't want to depend on a potion for the rest of his life.

Draco hummed before doing as he was told. Harry could feel eyes watching him as Draco left, and glancing up he could see Draco looking back every few seconds as if to make sure it was really okay to leave him there. Harry shooed him away with a hand gesture.

Just as Draco was turning the corner, he heard footsteps behind him. He tensed and considered fleeing, but the panic shooting through him just caused a spasm to go through his body. There were moments where the pain was used as an adrenaline rush, but it was the moments he needed to run most that he never could.

He figured there was a higher chance that the person would be friendly rather than out for his head. He was relieved when instead of being his parents or an enemy, it was the boy he had seen before the Sorting.

Longbottom, Harry thought his last name was. Gryffindor. Harry fingered his wand and readied himself to defend if needed.

Harry was tempted to scoot away and prayed to blend into the stone walls, or even better, for his family to arrive then. Instead, he was surprised as the boy plopped down next to him and stared down the stairs.

Harry waited for him to speak, and it seemed as if the other boy was preparing himself too.

Longbottom took a deep breathe, "H-Hi. I'm Neville. Er, you're that boy, right? The one from- from before the Sorting. Harry, can I call you that?"

Harry nodded and gestured for him to continue, perplexed at where this was going.

"I- I just wanted to, urgh, say thanks. For asking about me. Not- not a lot of people would, well, care." This was punctuated by a self-deprecating laugh that irked Harry.

"Well, that's, uh, all. I'll-"

Harry cut him off with his own questions. There was a slightly wheezy tone, but he wasn't about to make himself more vulnerable in front of what someone could be using as a spy. "Why are you in Gryffindor?"

Neville's teeth clacked with an audible click, and he looked like that was the last thing he had been expecting. He gave a nervous, huffy laugh. "Well, Gran is Gryffindor. My mom and dad, too. I just... It's genetics?"

"It can't be if I'm in Slytherin." Harry didn't comment on the weak reply. He knew all about wanting to keep things secret.

Neville shrugged and looked helpless. "I- I guess things happen?"

Harry looked, _really_ looked, at the boy next to him. He stared at him until Neville turned red and started spluttering. Harry knew there was no way this kid could be used to spy. He was too innocent, too shy. "Things happen. I guess so, Neville."

Neville looked at him uncomfortably before shaking it off. He got up and brushed his trousers off. "W-Well, I'm going back to my Common Room. It was nice chatting, Harry."

Harry smiled up at him. "It was nice meeting you properly. Come talk to me whenever."

Neville looked surprised, before he flushed happily and gave Harry a small, but happy smile. He ran down the hall and up the stairs before Harry could no longer see him. As soon as Neville was gone, Harry burst into a coughing fit that he had been desperately trying to hold back. He coughed so hard, it echoed in the empty corridors. By the end of his coughing fit, his eyes were watering and there was a burning in his throat. He was sure if he coughed or talked now, he would just spit up blood.

Luckily, footsteps were coming from ahead of him, and he knew the only people out right now were teachers, stragglers, or rule breakers. Even then, it was rare for students to be out the first night after the Welcome Feast, since they had probably made themselves sick with Hogwarts' food and sweets, or were still in their food induced coma.

Draco's blond hair was the first thing Harry saw, and it was running towards him. He braced himself for impact, but it was for nothing since Draco running towards him knocked him backwards anyway.

Harry grunted and squirmed underneath him, gasping for air.

Draco got off of him with a shit-eating grin, and Harry kicked his shin with a pout.

"Boys, do behave." Aunt Cissy patted both their heads and smoothed their hair back. "Here, Harry. Draco told us that you had a fit and had to wait here."

Harry looked down at the honey lozenges in Narcissa's hand. There was enough to fit her small palm and still curl her fingers into a fist comfortably.

Harry grabbed them carefully so they wouldn't spill, and stuffed one into his mouth, while the rest he carelessly shoved into his front jeans pocket.

Harry couldn't speak, as his throat was still too raw, so instead he looked up and gave Narcissa a grateful smile. Her eyes softened and she gave him an answering smile.

Harry turned around to look for Draco and blinked at seeing him at the top of the stairs. He grinned and walked up to meet him, and he didn't miss the flash of concern on Draco's face. Usually Harry would run after Draco, joining in his antics, but Harry was just tired. He wanted to sleep, and then sleep some more.

Snape was the leader of their little entourage, and Harry took calm in the straight back his father always had, and instead of Harry's nervous little tics, he walked smoothly, and his face wasn't smiling, but it wasn't frowning, either. It just was his Papa being his usual strong self.

Harry reached a hand for his Papa's, and squeezed his hand. His Papa looked down at Harry, smiled, and squeezed his hand back. His Papa's hands were slim, warm, big, and stained with old potion ingredients. They engulfed Harry's little pudgy hands, and it felt like Harry was five again and came crying after getting a scrap. It was that protection that calmed Harry's beating heart, and instead of feeling like a jittery bird it smoothed into something more natural and less stressful.

Harry hoped he would some day grow up to be like his Papa. He knew he idealized his Papa beyond what most eleven year olds were supposed to, but his Papa deserved it.

They were silent as they made their way to Dumbledore's office, and soon after Harry had reached out for his Papa, he had to let go for fear someone would catch them. But it was okay, because his Papa knew to smooth his hair back so he wouldn't feel hurt.

Glancing behind him, Harry could see Draco holding onto each of his parents. His cheeks turned pink at being caught, but instead of pulling his hands away, he stuck his tongue out. Harry just smiled and turned back around.

They reached the inner door to Dumbledore's office before Harry was truly ready, and his Papa turned to face him before entering. He looked up at his Papa, and if he knew what was on his face right now, his heart would be breaking too.

As it was, he couldn't feel the heartbreak his Papa was experiencing at seeing his son's wide, scared eyes. It had been a long while since Severus had seen Harry in a vulnerable state like this: truly terrified. It made him want to bundle his son up and keep him somewhere safe forever, preferably for that bundling to be in bubble wrap.

Harry launched himself into his Papa's arms as soon as he kneeled down, and snuffled his little nose into the crook of his Papa's neck. Snape shivered as cold air went down his collar and latched onto his warm skin.

He would never trade the soggy collars and goosebumps for anything though, not with his son here, alive and with a healthy, beating heart, in his arms. Snape wrapped his arms around Harry, and Harry took that opportunity to wrap himself around his Papa like a limpet. The one thing Snape could give up was Harry's tendency to pull at his hair. Nonetheless, Snape did what any good parent did when their child was afraid and rocked back and forth, crooning a lullaby he had once heard at the toy store when Harry had been young enough to still need bedtime stories. He wasn't sure of the words anymore, but he remembered the rhythm well enough to hum.

Harry sighed into his Papa's neck, and squeezed him once more before reluctantly letting go. He had a pout on his face, but Snape could see the fear had diminished. He would be okay as long as he had his Papa's love.

Harry was starting to reach out to open the door when Snape stopped him by kissing the top of his head. Harry wrinkled his nose as the embarrassment started catching up, and remembering that the Malfoy's were behind him. He just bloody knew Draco would tease him over this. With his luck, Haben would overhear.

Snape smirked at his son's flushed face and opened the door with a _snick_. The tension hit Harry and Snape first, as they were at the front of the group. Wands were raised between James and Lily, with Sirius and Dumbledore frantically trying to placate respectively. Isabella was sitting near the window watching with bug eyes, not sure who's side to take.

Lily snarled at her husband, "You can't force him to switch Houses if he isn't being harmed!"

James scowled harder and slashed his wand down so hard it created a _whooshing_ sound. "I bet those slimy snakes are just getting every advantage to hurt him! Using the Potter name as a reason."

Narcissa, tired and impatient, had had enough of such blatant hate, and pushed her way behind Harry. She placed a hand on his shoulder, and gave a gentle, polite cough.

Heads snapped around so fast Harry twitched at the thought of whiplash, then he became aware of his father and mother's scrutiny and squirmed to hide behind his Papa.

James inhaled at seeing such a protective Snape, one that wasn't cold and getting revenge on Harry for being James' son. Lily watched with wonder at the way her little boy turned to Sev for protection. It was around the same time that the Snape's entourage was made known as Draco came bumbling behind Harry, and wrapped an arm around Harry's bicep.

He cajoled Harry from out of his Papa's shadow and to step next to him, and eventually he was able to. Harry was acting more shy than he was, but he needed to play dramatic for this, to play the pitiful son.

"Can-" Harry coughed and winced, holding up a hand to his throat, "Can I Floo call someone before we start?"

Dumbledore cut in as James was opening his mouth to share his unwanted opinion. "Of course, my dear boy. The powder is on the mantle."

Dumbledore could feel James' eyes on him as he stared at him in open shock, and Dumbledore watched as Snape took a defensive position once Harry was away from his immediate grasp.

The fire flared green and half of Harry's body went missing. They were all curious as to who he could be calling, even the Malfoy's, but Snape had a hunch it was a Gringotts representative.

Snape pushed his way through the tension in the room and sat down on a chair next to the fireplace before anyone could claim the spot. Next to him was a couch, and in front was just enough space to conjure two extra chairs for Harry and his guest. The Malfoy's sat quietly on the couch, a bit of disdain even made it past Lucius' cold barrier.

Snape watched Harry as his back tensed up and released the tension, and he was there to clean him when he pulled back and soot was in his mouth and on his clothes.

Harry stuck his tongue out at the lingering taste, but looked around for somewhere he and his guest could sit. His Papa conjured two extra soft chairs near the stairs leading to Dumbledore's desk, and Harry gratefully sat down.

He popped a lozenge into his mouth and waited for his guest to Floo back. The fireplace flared green, and Ragnok stepped out gracefully, more so than Harry ever could.

James spluttered, and even Sirius looked confused. Dumbledore and Lily looked like they were crossed between confusion and slowly understanding that having a goblin around meant extra protection.

"What's a _goblin_ doing here?" James questioned, almost making goblin sound like something dirty and hateful.

"He is here just in case the Hat doesn't change my House."

James scoffed at the ridiculousness of that, but Sirius started to get nervous. His mother may not have been able to control him, but he did learn a few things about the Wizarding world over time. He knew bringing a goblin into a matter outside of money was serious.

Ragnok took a seat in the wingbacked chair Dumbledore had graciously conjured. When he took this job, he knew he would deal with less than savory cases. Children were the highest on that list. Goblins were of the believe that no matter what path their blood children took, they were still family. Obviously, humans didn't have the same qualms.

Dumbledore picked up the Hat from its resting place inside of a glass cabinet, and walked it over to where Harry was sitting. He looked down into Harry's wide eyes and was hit with a pang of guilt at the tiredness and wariness he saw in them.

The hat was placed on Harry's head, and once again it felt over his eyes. The familiar feeling of another being rifling through his head caused him to squirm in discomfort.

" _Do not be afraid, child_ ," The Sorting Hat soothed him, " _You will be okay_."

Harry hummed and let his impatience leak through.

The hat chuckled, and by the whispers that Harry could hear, he must have done it physically as well.

" _So your parents want you to be ReSorted, is that it? But I see no signs of harm or threat. The Founders made it so that the only two ways a student could be ReSorted is if they are in danger or if the student specifically requests it. And you do not want to be moved, do you?_ "

Harry sighed before giving in. " _No, I don't want to leave Slytherin. But my parents-_ "

" _Which one?_ " The Hat cut him off.

" _What?_ " Harry bit out, irritated.

" _Which set of parents do you fear? The one who restricts you, or the one who pushes you?_ "

Harry stayed quiet, really thinking it over.

" _You do not have to answer, just think it over. Now, how about the answer for all. Slytherin, yes? Very well. Let it be..._ **Slytherin**!"

The Hat was swept off Harry's head, leaving his bed head hair ruffled into a nest and sticking up in different directions. He grumbled and tried desperately to get his hair down, but his hair was too much like his father's.

Dumbledore set the Hat on his desk and sat in his chair heavily. He rested his hands against his chin and hid his mouth behind his hands. Harry couldn't tell if he was frowning or smiling.

Harry looked over at his makeshift family first. His Papa was smug, and that was the most emotion he had ever seen Sev show in public. The Malfoy's looked indifferent, but Narcissa was clutching Lucius' hand, hard enough to turn her knuckles white.

Draco looked like he was about to fall over from how tired he was, and that was the most reassuring thing he needed at that moment. Draco being his usual, semi-callous self, expecting things to always go his way.

Harry gulped and turned to look at his blood family. Lily looked torn, not knowing if she should be happy her little boy found the right House, or disappointed that he hadn't been put in Gryffindor. Sirius looked like he was ready to strangle himself. Or maybe strangle Harry, he couldn't be too sure at this point. His father though, looked like a growing storm cloud. It made Harry itch and want to hide behind Sev's robes forever.

He warily eyed his father and held his arm against his body where he could hide the flick of his wand from its holster. He knew there were eyes on him, from Dumbledore and Draco, but everyone else was starting to watch James as if he were a ticking time bomb.

The tension made Harry want to choke and tear out his own hair. Harry tensed as James turned around and hunched into himself. Harry recognized the breathing treatment his Papa had taught him for the beginning stages of Occlumency. Two breathes in, hold, three breathes out. Repeat until calm. It was burned into Harry's brain from how many times his Papa had growled it at him after getting too wound up from Harry not wanting to cooperate.

"Why?"

Harry jumped at the sudden question, but James wasn't looking at him. He was looking through him. He was seeing someone else, something that wasn't Harry.

"You know I told you what would happen. I think you knew what would happen tonight, which is why you called your guest. You _knew_ , and yet you still let us, no, _my_ family name be dragged through mud. I'm ashamed to call you my son." James walked past him, and left the room with a quiet snick of the closing door. He hadn't once looked at Harry as he left, even as Harry watched him with wide eyes.

Isabella made a choking sound from where she had been hiding. She took a hesitant step towards Harry, before looking at where their father had left. She was conflicted, and Harry couldn't blame her.

"It's okay, Belles. You can go find father. Just... Remember I love you, sis."

Isabella opened her mouth and closed it again with a quiet click of her teeth. She herself looked like she was about to start crying, but Harry wasn't sure why. She didn't say anything, instead she walked up to him and touched the back of his hand. With that, she ran out of the room and went searching for their father. Even years later, she still wasn't good at expressing things other than anger and smugness. Harry pitied her for that, and hoped one day she could learn to love freely.

Lily kneeled in front of her son, and cradled his head between her two soft hands. She pulled Harry's head down until their foreheads were touching, and closed her eyes. She listened to his raspy little breaths, and remembered the day she gave birth to him; how small he had been, how fragile. How his first blink had been in her arms, his body heavy and full in her tired arms. She had made mistakes, but giving birth to two children and becoming a mother had never been one of those.

Lily pulled back and kissed Harry's nose. Harry scrunched his face up and stuck his tongue out. He was good at wearing masks, and with this he could ignore the numb feeling spreading throughout his body, and focus on making his mother a little less worried.

"Give me an eskimo kiss before I leave, will you?" Lily pleaded.

Harry sighed and flushed. The embarrassment he didn't have to fake, at least. But he compiled to make her happy. And it did. She gave him one last kiss on his forehead before leaving, smiling and obviously more satisfied than she had been.

Harry felt a wave of nausea hit him as the door closed, and he let go of the tension he had been holding, letting himself grow clammy and shaky. He went into a world of his own, a place where he didn't have to feel anything, an ugly, dark place he had created in order to cope with his parents near abandonment.

Ragnok shook Harry's shoulder, but he just couldn't do the paperwork in this condition.

Harry looked at the floor with wide, dead eyes. He couldn't look up, couldn't see their expressions. Everything felt like a blur. Voices sounded like he was dunked under a lake with earplugs, the fireplace sounded like a dragon roaring. The colors of his trainers dulled, a grayish brown hue against grey, cold stones. His throat felt blocked, he knew they were trying to get him to be responsive, but it felt like there was a weight on his lungs.

Harry felt an ache go across his chest, to his ears and down to his toes. He pushed it away. Harry didn't want to feel.

He was afraid if he did, he wouldn't stop crying.

Finally, a warm, spindly hand covered his eyes. He knew that hand. He had memorized that hand. It was safe, and he was safe.

As he drifted off, he could hear low, soothing words being whispered in his ear, and the vague feeling of being picked up.

Then it was gone.


	8. Shades of Grey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bippity boppity boo goes the voice box

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three quarters in I realized I needed to stop writing before it got even longer.

Harry woke with a choke, and scrambled to get over the blankets that covered him. He didn't know where he was, he didn't remember what happened after his mother left, he didn't know what was happening.

He crawled out of bed with the sheets still tangled around his legs, and fell to the floor with a thump. He landed on his shoulder, and he grunted at the pain of stone digging in.

Stone. Harry knew Sev's quarters didn't have stone floors. They had carpet or wood. So he had to be in his dormitory, as there was no where else they could be during the school year.

He rolled onto his back, letting the blankets stay tangled at his calfs. He looked at the ceiling, and then looked towards the window. They were charmed so that during the day they showed sunlight and what the weather was outside, but once it got dark the charm reversed back to showing the muggy lake. It was a neat charm that Harry found useful, since no one would ever wake up on time if the windows always showed the lake. Plus, it could be April and they could be wearing the wrong clothes if they didn't see it was raining outside.

Harry got up with a grunt and pulled himself up by his bed. He kicked the blankets off and patted around for his wand. He flicked it with a soft _Lumos_ and flinched at the low light. It made him wonder how long he was asleep for.

He shuffled his way towards the bathroom door, putting one hand against the wall for support. A few times, the room spun and he lurched, but he always caught himself. The cold stone digging into his palm helped center himself, helped him to stay in the now.

In the bathroom, he could tell Haben and Draco had just left, because water was splashed around the sink edge and near the shower. Harry smiled at the thought of his two friends, and put his wand away with a quick _Nox_ as the automatic light came on. He Accioed a towel, not noticing he had finally managed to call something wandlessly and wordlessly. Right now, he was more focused on getting a warm shower and changing. Slowly.

Harry turned the shower to a setting that wasn't scalding, but was still warm. He got into the warming water and sighed at the knots in his shoulders loosening. He leaned his head back and let the water catch in his hair.

Turning around, he dialed the water spout higher, hot enough for steam to start coming. Harry flinched at the warmth and heat spreading to his face and neck, but forced his body to get used to it. He was okay with looking like a lobster if it meant not having to think.

Too soon for his tastes, the water got uncomfortable, so he had to get out and retreat to the bedroom as the bathroom was steamy and humid. He panted as he escaped the stifling heat, and walked over to the window.

He watched the trees get disturbed by wind, but it didn't seem to be too bad, as people were outside and enjoying the weather before school started.

He dug through his closet for a t shirt and a pair of jeans. The black knitted jumper he tied around his waist in case he would need it later. He pulled on the ratty converse that his Papa had begrudgingly given him a year ago as a gift, and had instantly regretted it since Harry never took them off. They were comfortable and stylish, and were so dark that they looked green at some angles.

Looking at the mirror, Harry was glad none of his year mates knew how to charm the mirror into talking, though he couldn't hold his breathe forever, for eventually someone would learn and the charm would spread. Harry put his hands on his hips and looked at his hair. It was still a bit wet, but he would let it air dry over using a towel or a charm. He left it as it was, knowing his Papa sometimes looked like he was about to have coronaries whenever he saw the nest Harry called hair.

He smiled at himself in the mirror, but it felt strained. There was a lingering sticky, oozing feeling inside of him, something that pulled him down and made him feel like was he was drowning. But he didn't want anyone to worry, because he would be okay. He always ended up okay.

He grabbed his messenger bag that was leaning against his trunk and walked out, knowing that his Papa would probably be in his private quarters right now.

* * *

Harry inched his way through the shadows of the Common Room, managing to slip away unnoticed even without the Invisibility Cloak he knew his father let Isabella borrow.

He supposed the Sorting Hat knew what it was doing, but he had to wonder if the Hat and Hogwarts were tied together or separate entities. It would make for an interesting research topic, whenever he had time. He was still stuck on making his own Philosopher's Stone. That thought led to wondering if Sev had gotten any closer to discovering a lycanthrope cure.

Harry eventually reached the end of the corridor where Sev had asked for his home at school to be made. He waved at the knight guarding the door, and produced his wand. He tapped it against the knight, as he didn't want to have to search for a scrap piece of paper. The knight sat silently for a minute, processing the authenticity of the magic, before it gave a nod of its armored head and raised its sword, allowing Harry passage to the door and inward.

He put his wand behind his ear and took his shoes off in the welcoming room, a small little dimly lit room that led off into separate hallways or rooms. Sev was a stickler for being neat, but was downright controlling when it came to being clean. Harry blamed it on being a Potions Master. He walked towards the door leading to the living room, and was thankful he was walking silently for it gave him the chance to eavesdrop on the conversation going on behind the partially opened door.

He sat down outside the door, his legs tucked up and his head resting sideways on his knees. He listened avidly to the conversation that he figured was between Sev and Lucius, judging by the voices.

"You cannot keep him cooped up forever!" Harry thought this was Lucius.

"I will if it means protecting him!" Harry had an itchy feeling that they were arguing about him.

"He will resent you, you know?"

"I _have_ to protect him. He is my _son_."

"He will one day grow up and leave!"

"I would rather die than see him hurt because I did a lousy job!"

Lucius sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Severus, you are my dearest and closest friend behind my wife. But there are some things I can tell you that I could never tell Narcissa without having to sleep on the couch."

Severus grumbled something that Harry couldn't make out. It must have been assent to continue, because Lucius took a deep breathe, as if he needed the determination.

"Severus, Harry will one day no longer need you like he does now. He will love you, yes, for you are his father, there is no doubt about that. But you cannot smother him. You cannot always protect him. The Dark Lord will return one day, and you will need to pretend to hate him again. That is the only way you can protect Harry in the end. Now stop being a bloody drama queen and get your head out of your arse."

Severus choked, and Harry could imagine the different expressions on his face. Disbelief, anger, grudging respect, acceptance, and a bit of amusement at hearing prim and proper Lucius Malfoy curse.

"Go home, Lucius." Harry cringed at how tired Severus sounded. It seemed Lucius could sense it as well, for he obeyed without a second word. Harry listened to the Floo whoosh, before he got up and inched his way into the living room proper.

Harry peeked behind the door, and Severus looked up from where he was looking at the fire at the sound of the creaky door. Severus narrowed his eyes, and beckoned him forward.

Harry shuffled his way over like a wounded puppy, and Severus requestioned the whole discipline rule. How anyone could discipline their children when they looked like a kicked puppy was beyond him, but he knew parents had to be firm lest they raise little monsters.

"How long were you standing out there?"

Harry shrugged and shook his hand side to side. He didn't look up, but he knew Severus would get angrier if he didn't verbally answer.

"A verbal answer, please."

Harry coughed and pointed at his throat.

Severus frowned and squatted down. He was starting to get worried, for he knew that Harry knew his rules. He wouldn't disobey unless something was truly wrong.

"What is it? Does it hurt?"

Harry shrugged.

Severus hummed and summoned a piece of parchment and a Muggle biro. He handed them over to Harry so they could communicate. Harry threw him a grateful glance before he sat down on the wooden floor and began scribbling.

Severus sat down with him and watched Harry as he wrote his response. He was proud of his son, but he was also worried. When the Dark Lord returned, he would be faced with more hardship than a broken family. He just hoped he was strong enough to deal with it.

The note that Severus was given back was ambiguous in its response that it made his head hurt.

_'I'm not sure what's wrong, Sev. My throat knows it can talk, but it feels like each time I open my mouth, I'll choke._

_What's wrong with me, Papa?'_

Severus sighed through his nose before he rubbed his cheek. "I'm not too sure, Harry. Will you give me time to figure this out? In the mean time, I will send word to your teachers that you are temporarily mute."

Harry shrugged indifferently. He scribbled a quick and messy one worded question on the paper that was laid down between them.

_'Friends?'_

"What will you tell them?"

Harry shook his head, no.

"Where are they?"

Harry nodded eagerly.

"They are by the lake, I believe. I had to give them permission, so unless they disobeyed and went somewhere else, they will be there."

Harry nodded and made to stand up.

"Ah, ah, young man. We still have things to discuss."

Harry looked confused before he sat down obediently with a thump. He tilted his head to the side in question.

"We need to speak about what happened last night. With James disowning you, and the goblin needing your final signature before making the emancipation official. So far, they have been able to keep the news from hitting the Prophet, but I imagine James will not want the disgrace of a disowned child to his family name."

Harry tensed up at the conversation topic. He picked at the skin around his fingernail until it bled, and continued to dig at the skin even when it was becoming painful.

Severus sighed at seeing a withdrawn Harry. He was so used to his son being a ray of sunshine that seeing him like this made even Severus want to cry.

Harry sighed and nodded. He knew he couldn't put it off forever, and he wanted to get it over with before he could think himself into circles.

Severus nodded firmly and summoned the rolled up papers. He unrolled the end of the scroll so it would lay flat, and he summoned a special quill he left in his personal office for when he was writing business contracts. It was a quill that could only be used by the people mentioned within the contract to keep the legality of the right people being signed. The quill was designed to detect curses like the _Imperius_. This way, no impersonation or coercion could occur as easily.

Harry scrawled a signature quickly, wanting it to be over with. He didn't even want to read it over. He pushed the scroll away and scooted back, determinately making a point by refusing to look anywhere but at the coffee table. Harry knew Severus would have read and reread the contract for him to make sure they weren't signing him into something he didn't agree on.

Severus dried the ink with a quick spell before it vanished. He rolled his eyes at the tricks of the flashy goblins, before looking up and seeing the way Harry was clenching his jaw.

Severus puffed his cheeks on an exhalation, and got up slowly. His knees popped from age, and he grunted at how even sitting there for a while had caused him to get sore.

"You may go, Harry."

Harry scrambled up and gave Severus a quick, one armed hug before he ran out the door from where he came.

Severus watched him go with a mixed feeling of trepidation and wanting to bludgeon anyone who hurt Harry.

* * *

Harry stopped running once he was at the stairs leading to the Grand Staircase. He waited until the stairs were connected to walk up them leisurely and as he jumped over the trick stair, the stairs started to move again.

He hoped luck would be with him instead of against him.

The stairs connected to a corridor that was bright and airy, the large, cathedral like windows helping to make the room look bigger. He wasn't sure if this was the right way, but he had never seen this corridor, so he would take his chances.

He stepped into the hallway just as the stairs changed again, and walked further in. The ground was painted a wash of colors from the windows, and all Harry wanted to do was sit down and look outside.

He figured he had time before he had to go find his friends, so he sat in the middle of the hall closest to the windows so the shadow they cast would go over him and he could still see outside.

He crossed his legs and leaned his elbows on his knees, just taking refuge in the few quiet moments he had. Harry had a feeling that they would come far less over the months, and even years.

Outside, the wind had picked up, pushing students back inside or for the more brave, to stay where they were. Inside, there must have been a hole in the stone foundation, because Harry could hear the whistling of wind rustling and felt a slight chill.

He laid back on the stone floor, and looked up at the blue sky. The colors of the cathedral windows painted him straight from a [Leonid Afremov](https://afremov.com) canvas.

The soft blue sky was distorted by hues of pinks, blues, greens and colors Harry didn't have a name for. Harry had never seen this hall before, so he wondered if Hogwarts had read his need and created a place just for him to come to for some quiet. He wondered how long it would last.

One thing Harry could never get used during silence was the need to think, and then overthink, and to chase his tail in circles. All he wanted was to not think, and to just be.

Perhaps he should ask his Papa to buy him a Discman for Christmas, or to borrow his Walkman during the wait. He wasn't sure what he would listen to, but he was sure his Papa could help him with that, too.

The thought of father's and guardian's made Harry's stomach clench in anxiety. He couldn't stop thinking about what the Hat said, and it made him wonder where his loyalties really were. He knew he could never join Voldemort, not unless he was _Imperius_ ed, and even then he would only go down kicking and screaming.

But he was also sure he could never be a part of the Order. Grey did not exist, not within the Light side. It was all black and white. He wasn't sure if he wanted to join a rebel cult- for that's what they were- who were okay with separating families and letting prejudice run amok. In that, they were no different from the Death Eaters. He may be a bit harsh, for everyone has flaws. Harry knew he wasn't supposed to know of their existence, but James and Sirius never were good at keeping their mouths shut once drinks started flowing and they thought the kids were in bed.

Did Harry really know who his family was? Just what did family mean, and what did it mean to him? Did he even have one, or was he just some toy to be pushed around and used?

He couldn't imagine Severus using him, but then again he had been a spy, so he couldn't be sure anymore.

Harry's stomach clenched again, but this time in guilt at thinking the worst about Sev, even when he had done everything and more for him.

Harry rolled onto his side so that his shoulder dug into the cool stone. He was skinny enough underneath the glamours that he could feel the stone digging into more than just his shoulder, but also his hip and thigh.

He would take the dull pain as a welcome distraction. It was better than running himself into circles. He didn't know what to do. He didn't know who to talk to.

He just wanted to sleep forever.

* * *

Eventually, what felt like an hour- but was really almost half a day- ticked by, and Harry could hear the staircase make a loud click at the end of the hall. He jolted up and looked around, yawning and stretching out the stiffness in his muscles. He knew his time was up. He could only hope he would be allowed back.

He got up with a groan and made his way to the staircase. He contemplated going down or up, and settled on going down so he could go to the kitchens.

Just thinking of the kitchens caused Harry's stomach to growl in hunger, and he couldn't help but smile. If anything, his hunger would never fail him.

He didn't run into anyone on his way down, and he hoped his luck stayed firm, for he didn't think he had it in himself to either socialize or defend himself.

He tickled the pear, a trick his father had taught him when Harry kept complaining of being hungry between meals during the school day. Severus let Harry go alone once he was old enough because it was close enough to the Slytherin territory that he could come get him at the first sign of danger, and also close enough to neutral territory: Hufflepuffs.

As he opened the door, he heard the clanging of pots and dishes stop. He shut the door behind him and smiled at the excitable elves. They were always hyperactive, and it brought a comfort to Harry that he didn't know he needed, a comfort that some things wouldn't change no matter what.

He sat down at one of the tables and waited until one of the elves was unoccupied and able to help him. From the way they were scurrying around, it must have been dinner time in the Great Hall. He wondered if his friends and family were worried about his disappearing act.

It didn't bring the usual guilt.

Harry swallowed the bile that threatened to rise as he realized he was getting too good at shutting down his emotions. He breathed through his nose so he wouldn't have a panic attack in front of the elves.

He checked his pocket for his potion, and had to suppress the nervous shaking of his body at seeing there was so little left. It took a day to brew, Harry could only hope Sev had enough time and ingredients. He hadn't ever landed himself in the hospital from being out, but his luck would run out eventually.

Finally, the elves were finished with preparing and transporting the food, and were able to bring Harry his own meal: a miniature version of the one upstairs, minus the overly sweet drinks. The elves knew Severus was his guardian, and they also knew he was a stickler for healthy eating.

Harry mouthed the words _'thank you'_ and the elf that had served him smiled and ran away.

Harry spooned mashed potatoes and corn onto his plate. He went with chicken today, as he was teetering the edge of being so hungry he became nauseous from eating too quickly.

He ate everything he could as quickly as possible, without choking or making himself nauseous. He drank the pomegranate juice slowly, savoring the sweet and tangy taste.

He sighed once he was finished, and got up. He figured it was time to reappear. He bowed to the house elves, and they squeaked at the gesture.

Harry waved goodbye to them, and left the way he came in.

He didn't know which direction to go. He could go up and meet his friends and family, or go down and hole himself away in his father's quarters.

There was classes tomorrow, so he didn't know which was better. He closed his eyes and pointed in a random direction after spinning around. He peeked, and his pointer finger landed on the corridor going down.

Harry shrugged and figured he could grab his books before hiding away.

He jogged down, going further down the castle. He could hear the wall pipes trickling water. He wondered if dinner was almost over, or if the students were still eating.

He ran his hand along the stones, waiting until he felt a wall that felt a little too smooth, a little indent from the hinges.

He nearly missed his mark, so he had to double back and look around his surroundings to make sure he was in the right place. He was confident he was in the right place, but it was so dark and the torches left weird shadows, so he could never be sure.

Harry whispered the password, and was rewarded with the door swinging open with a small squeak. He wasn't sure if Sev warded the door for extra protection, but he was sure that all House Heads had some way of knowing who left and who came in, even when they weren't there.

He quickly ran down the stairs, skipping every other step. It was a miracle that he didn't trip and break his head open. The neat thing about the Slytherin dormitories was that instead of going up and sideways, they went down according to year. The first years were just a few steps down, but the seventh years were at the bottom of a spiraling staircase, and they also had the most privacy, but also the most protection in the case of an emergency. They could hide there, or be the first to be alerted to a fire. Harry wasn't sure how it worked, but he figured the wards were like an electrical current, with Hogwarts being the plug and cable.

He gathered all his school supplies and stuffed them into his bag. There was a charm to make the bag lighter and to be bigger on the inside, a courtesy from Lucius Malfoy. Draco had a matching bag, but his was made of leather instead of the simple mixed material messenger bag he had chosen.

Some of the things he didn't want getting lost, such as the vial he had never given Sev back, he kept in his hands and pockets.

He made a dash back downstairs and out the front door, and slowed to a jog, as Sev's quarters weren't far from the Common Room.

He reached the corridor with seemingly smooth walls, except for the one lone knight guarding Sev's door. This particular knight was vicious, and hadn't taken kindly to Harry the first time he had visited. Thankfully, he was only a baby, so he had gotten a scathing scolding from Snape, and he had suited up after that. Not that Harry held a grudge, he was just doing his duty of protecting from strangers.

He walked up to the knight and smiled.

The knight tipped his helmet off, giving him a bow as well. "Harry, my boy. They have been searching for you. Professor Snape particularly has shown an increase in his, shall we say, crabbiness."

Harry made a sound between a laugh and a groan, and the knight just shook in laughter at Harry's discomfort. Harry winced at the metal clanking against metal.

The knight let Harry pass when Harry dug through his bag and scribbled the password on a ripped piece of paper, and the first place Harry went to was his bedroom. There was an adjoined bathroom, so he could shower in peace there without worrying if someone would walk in.

Harry shoved the ripped note back into his bag, planning to burn it later. He dumped his book bag by the foot of his bed and let his robe fall over it. He took his shoes off and shoved them underneath the bed. He didn't bother setting a privacy ward around his room, because Severus had already done that for him when he was old enough to not go sticking his hands in every little thing.

He scampered into the bathroom and quickly undressed. He debated between a warm bath or a quick hot shower, but the need to take a nap won. He quickly scrubbed himself over, and was back out to dry in a new record for him. Normally, he liked to savor his time under the warm water, but all he wanted was to feel his bed's soft pillows underneath his head.

He dug through his closet for sweatpants and a tshirt, as he wasn't feeling like putting up with the way a nightgown rode up his body when he tossed and turned. He was lucky enough to find an old pair that his father had given him, a red Gryffindor tshirt and grey sweats. Harry shrugged at the color and decided it didn't matter as long as it was clean and comfortable.

Harry trudged back towards his bed, slowly losing more energy the closer he got to his soft mattress and softer pillow. Never had a bed looked so comfortable, so warm and inviting.

Harry crawled onto the bed with shaky limbs, and let himself fall face first into his pillow. Almost as soon as he closed his eyes, he was drifting off.

* * *

Harry was woken up a half hour later when the front door was slammed closed. Quick, heavy footsteps were making their way towards his bedroom, and he was still half asleep, stuck in a dream of Voldemort trying to kill him.

When the hand grabbed at his shoulder, he did the first thing his body thought to do- he screamed bloody murder and lashed out with a fist.

The assailant cursed _'Merlin's balls!'_ and jerked back, and Harry was sad to have missed. He quickly scrambled up so he could face the person, and was blinking the gunk out of his eyes when he saw who he had lashed out at.

His Papa.

Harry paled so quickly and drastically, that the edges of his vision greyed out in his panic. Severus scooping him into his arms in forgiveness calmed him. It helped that he got a large whiff of his Papa's usual scent, the spicy aromas of the Potions he did, a scent that was now deeply embedded into his robes over the years, and underneath was the scent of lavender from the laundry detergent and baby powder from deodorant. It was scents that Harry knew, something that stabilized his shaky head and shakier heart.

Harry pushed away from the comfort, and looked down at the floor, cheeks red from embarrassment.

"Where have you been, young man?"

Harry glanced up and quaked at the quickly retreating concern and warmth being replaced by anger.

Harry outstretched a shaking hand for his wand, the one no matter where he slept, he always put underneath his pillow. He silently _Accio_ ed a pen and a Muggle notebook from his desk, and scribbled down a quick sentence.

_The castle showed me a new corridor. It was like a cathedral. I fell asleep. I'm sorry, Daddy._

Severus read the little note over and over, before he looked up at Harry's reddening nose and saw he truly was sorry. It was moments like this that cruelly reminded him that Harry was just a little boy still, and was not yet a full fledged wizard, no matter how mature he may sometimes act. He still sulked, brooded, cried and had no cap on his joy. He felt his emotions fully and without restraint.

"Son." Harry looked up at Snape's tone, it was neither chilly nor forgiving. "You are grounded for a week. That means no seeing your friends after class or meals, and you will instead be helping Hagrid with his garden, or whatever else he may need help with, after school before dinner and after dinner before the sun goes down. I trust if he asks for help with animals, that you can remember how to protect yourself?"

Harry pouted before giving a grudging nod of acceptance. He knew he deserved punishment, and this was rather light.

Snape nodded sharply once, before his prickly corners softened into the man Harry knew. His eyes lost their chilliness, but were replaced by fear and concern.

Harry tilted his head in question.

Severus gave a tight smile before murmuring some excuse about little boys who gave him too much stress.

Harry blushed and grinned. The atmosphere was tense, and Harry dealt best in these situations by cracking jokes.

Snaps rolled his eyes. "Have you eaten, boy?"

Harry nodded and patted his stomach.

"Are you truly tired or just lazy?"

Harry smirked and shrugged his shoulders, laughter dancing in his eyes as they both knew it was the latter.

Snape gave a soft snort and helped him up with one hand.

"Come draw out here while I grade papers. I'll share my desk space with you this one time."

Harry's eyes brightened, he always loved using the big grading desk, as it made him feel like a grown up.

He folded himself comfortably into the armchair his papa had charmed from the wooden chair. It was softer, and was a light cream color that was easy on the eyes.

He was grateful that his papa had thought to make the chair higher when charming it, for this way he could sit back on his bum comfortably and doodle on parchment. He only ever drew on parchment so that later Severus could charm his creations into motion, a neat trick that he was promised to be taught later when he had more magical power.

He was handed thick parchment paper, and wondered why he was given the expensive paper for simple doodles. Severus waved away Harry's questioning eyes, and instead handed him a small wicker basket of assorted inks, a quill and the sharpening knife.

Harry looked at the basket in confusion, then at the desk, then at Severus.

Severus smiled and raised an eyebrow. "You think Lucius is the only father with architectural charms? Besides, you do not want to knock around my expensive ink set, do you?"

Again, Harry was confused. Why was he giving him the expensive paper, and now the expensive ink? Normally he was given the cheap, thin parchment and only one standard black ink color, the same ink they used to write homework assignments with.

"Just draw things you've seen at Hogwarts, then I can hang them up if they are good."

Harry blushed and nodded, not wanting to risk further embarrassment for either of them by prodding for more answers.

He ran his fingers over the ink caps, wondering what he should draw first. His mind wandered to the stained glass window, and he settled himself for a long draw.

By the time Severus looked up from the last of the papers he had, it was a little past midnight and Harry had long curled up in the armchair. It didn't look very comfortable, as he was rolled up like a hedgehog, but knowing how he was as a teenager, he was sure the soreness would be gone by tomorrow afternoon.

Snape conjured a handkerchief and wiped his red blotted hands of the excess ink, and stepped over to peer at Harry's drawings. There were only two, as he hadn't used all of the papers he had been given. At the top of the pile was a drawing of what Snape reasoned was the cathedral like hallway Harry had been talking about, and Snape resolved to ask Dumbledore if he knew where this little place was, or if he had even heard of it from others.

He shuffled the papers around, and the bottommost was a crude drawing of what he recognized as himself and a toddler Harry. If he squinted, he saw that the overall shorts and green tshirt were an outfit he had been wearing on one of his birthdays. It surprised him that Harry remembered, but nothing about that day seemed out of place to him.

Or maybe not, judging by the drawn Snape. He was looking down at his child with a fond smile, and Severus wondered whether that was the first time he had shown emotion towards him in public. It would make sense, and it would be no wonder this memory stuck out.

Snape touched the drawing with his wand and watched as painted Snape and Harry's interlinked hands started to swing, and Harry started to skip in place. The painted Snape rolled his eyes before looking at him fondly, then remembered where they were and stiffened into stone once again. The cycle repeated until it was burned into his mind, and he tapped it with his wand to make it stop.

Below the happy Snape and Harry, was a large drawing of what Snape recognized as the budding troublesome trio. It was Draco with a small smile, Harry with a big grin, and Haben with an indulgent smile. They were all holding hands, like children and best friends. 

With a tap of his wand, painted Haben started to shake his head, causing curls to fall into his face. Painted Harry laughed so hard that his eyes scrunched up, and painted Draco's smile slowly grew. They were happy, and it made Snape warm inside to see the children so carefree.

The drawings looked like scribbles, but Snape could see the emotions put behind each stroke of the quill. Snape chuckled at his wayward scamp of a son, and reminded himself that tomorrow before class he would make copies of just the three children so he could send them to the Malfoy's and Granger.

For now, he would fold this drawing, and send the other to be tacked onto the fridge door.

Snape looked down at his slumbering son, and decided he couldn't leave him there. He scooped him up gently, and Harry subconsciously wrapped his legs and little arms around Snape. He snuffled and stuck his cold nose into the warmest spot he could find, which was Snape's neck.

Snape grumbled quietly, but didn't push his head away. Instead, he pulled the covers down with a neat wand flick with his wrist, and leaned down so he could disentangle his monkey son from his body.

Once Severus was satisfied that Harry was safely in bed, he tucked the covers around him and dimmed the lights.

Before he left, he kissed his son's marked forehead and whispered soft words of love and sweet dreams.

Harry, for tonight, would be at ease.


	9. Classes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry James Potter, in which he spends more time asleep than awake

Harry groaned as his alarm on his wand chimed. The alarm sent vibrations throughout his pillow, forcing him up and out of bed.

Monday's were always the worst. He felt his eyelids drooping back down, and wondered how he could stand a warm shower when he could barely stay upright.

He dragged himself to the bathroom, and quickly worked his way through getting ready methodically. He was tired and hungry by the end of his business.

When he cast a _Tempus_ , it was just 6:30 in the morning. Meaning he had a half hour left before breakfast.

He busied himself with getting his school bag put together. He was thankful that there was an expanding charm on it, as he shoved only the more important school books in, plus quills and ink pots charmed against breaking. He wondered if they had been given their schedules last night, or if they would get them during breakfast. If he was missing something, he figured he could borrow from Draco.

He finally let the bag fall against his feet, and cast another _Tempus_. Now there was only 10 minutes, and he decided now was a good time to leave and make it there on time to get the best treats.

He shouldered his bag and looked down at the robe resting on the bed. He wrinkled his nose at it and begrudgingly brought it along. He hated wearing the thing, whether at meals or during class. If it was up to him, he would never wear robes. They were stuffy, hard to put on and even harder to get out of without nearly having heat stroke. He wasn't looking forward to wearing it when it neared summer at Hogwarts.

He opened the door quietly, not knowing whether Severus was still in their quarters or upstairs already. Sometimes he stayed awake so late working on potions, that he would skip breakfast and wake up just in time to get ready for first class.

He didn't seem to be anywhere, and there were no sounds coming from the kitchen, so Harry quickly ran to the front door. He pulled it open and peeked outside, making sure there were no intruders.

The walk to the Great Hall was brisk and efficient, as Harry was solely focused on getting chocolate chip pancakes and strawberries. Harry's stomach was the wand, and it was using the _Point-Me_ spell.

Finally getting over the tricky spiral staircase, Harry rushed into the Great Hall. There were only a few older Ravenclaws here, as breakfast had just started, and they were reading what looked like tomes to Harry. All the teachers were there, even Dumbledore, but he was the only one to look like he was aware of where he was.

Even- to Harry's surprise- Severus was there. He was scowling, grumpy, and looked like he wanted to hex anyone who made the wrong move, but he was physically there.

As if feeling eyes on him, he turned his face towards Harry, and seemed to have scowled harder. He beckoned Harry forward with a long, crooked finger, and Harry went without hesitation. His bag banged against his thighs, and if he were truthful, he would admit that this Severus sort of scared him.

Some of his fear must have shown on his face, because a flicker of guilt went across Snape's face, before the scowl was wiped off and a neutral expression settled.

"Mr. Potter, as you were absent last night, I have your schedule right here." The parchment was held out to him, and Harry took it carefully. As he did, the parchment changed from his schedule to Snape's handwriting.

 _'Do not react. This parchment is enchanted to you and I, as there are things I need to tell you. Pretend you are reading this schedule, as if clarifying it. Hogwarts has ears, as you know, and children with direct ties to Death Eaters live under Hogwarts roof. They will expect me to hate you, to bully you and your sister, simply for being on the Light side. I do not want you to become unduly harmed because of my harsh, but untruthful words. When you finish reading, nod and walk away._ '

Harry licked his lips nervously, but did as told. He quickly made his way back to his table, and pulled out his potion. He pretended to examine it, then risked a glance at Snape. He was looking at the potion in Harry's hand, and he gave him a nod before looking back at his coffee.

Harry put away his potion with a pat, and sat quietly as he waited for the Hall to fill.

It was perhaps 30 minutes later that Draco and some of the other first years showed up, and by that point Harry was so bored he had been drifting into a light doze whilst sitting up.

Harry heard their chit chat before he saw them, and he looked up when their low chatter stopped. He had to brace himself suddenly when Haben screamed, "Harry!" and threw himself at Harry. Harry choked on a gasp as his arms came around him, nearly strangling him.

"We were so worried!" Haben cried into his shoulder, but Harry could tell he wasn't crying, as his voice wasn't wobbling. Quickly, his guilt at disappearing turned into fear when Haben stepped back and a look of anger crossed his sharp features. "I oughtta strangle you, Harry James! You bloody well scared us silly!"

Haben took a step towards him, and Crabbe and Goyle decided now was a good time to save Harry's life. Crabbe stepped in front of Harry, while Goyle grabbed Haben around the waist and hefted him further down the table, to stew over his anger and worry, and hopefully not hex Harry. Goyle stood behind him, waiting in case he pounced suddenly.

Harry watched with wide eyes as Haben fumed, and was brought back to his other friends when Draco hit him upside the head. Harry spluttered in indignation, and glared at Draco.

"Hmph, bloody good mate you are." Draco sniffed, before taking his place next to Harry. Eventually, Haben calmed down enough to come sit on Harry's other side, though Goyle and Crabbe still kept an eye on him. Harry patted Haben's hand in what he hoped was a reassuring manner, but then had to fight down a blush when Haben turned their hand around and squeezed Harry's hand, and let go just as quickly.

He didn't seem to be blushing, but then again Haben's skin was so dark that Harry couldn't be sure.

The tables were nearly all filled, with a few straggling lower years, when Harry saw the Head of Houses all get up. He figured they were going to now pass out schedules and answer questions, and pulled out his own. He wanted that enchantment off.

Professor Snape swooped down from the High Table and circled his Snakes, starting from the upper years and working his way down. He stopped occasionally to answer a question, and Harry was sure at one point he saw him arguing with a sixth year. It seemed Snape had won, because the sixth year had gone to sulking.

By the time Snape had reached the first years, Harry was antsy. Snape rose an eyebrow at Harry, and passed over him. Harry spluttered, and nudged Draco to help get Snape's attention. Draco blinked before catching on.

"Professor Snape, wait!"

Snape stopped, and slowly turned around. His scowl made Harry flinch, but he grew up with Gryffindors and a Draco. He stubbornly refused to back down, even straightening his spine, though his shaking hands gave away his fear.

"And what, pray tell, can I do for you, Mr. Malfoy?"

"Harry needed your help."

Snape humphed but moved closer. He waved his hand in impatience, and Harry showed him his schedule.

Snape looked down, and looked at the enchantment. He didn't react, but he did pull out his wand. Harry watched in awe as Snape barely moved his lips to say the spell to cancel whatever enchantment he had put on, and he had to scramble to grab the parchment he was handed back. Harry looked down, and was satisfied to see the schedule stay the same.

"I trust that will be satisfactory?"

Harry was beaming with joy, even nodding his head excitedly, and Snape looked at him with a flicker of unease, before his neutral mask was back on, which meant his sneer wasn't as poisonous as usual.

Snape swooped back to his seat at the High Table, and Harry's friends went back to gossiping with each other while they waited for the other teachers to finish.

"You can share my books today, mate." Draco offered, and was pleased as punch when Harry gratefully smiled.

"I memorized the textbooks, but I realized this morning that that probably won't be enough. I assume wizards and witches are homeschooled, yes?" Everyone listening to Haben nodded, "Then who was at the top of your grade?"

Everyone looked at Draco, and Draco smirked, smugly pleased with himself. The smirk was wiped off, to be replaced with indignation at Haben's next words.

"I'll beat you, then."

"I'd like to see you try, Granger." Draco pointed his chin up, and drawled out his challenge.

Haben smirked, before going back to his empty plate. "I'm starving, where's the food?"

Pansy peered over Harry's shoulder, "It seems as though they're only waiting for the Gryffindors now. No surprise there, all brunt and no brains they are. She seems to be with the twins, so there's your answer as to why it's taking so long. Normally, we would be eating by now."

Haben humphed and rested his chin on the palm of his hand. They waited for ten more minutes, and finally a harried witch made her way back to the Head Table. Dumbledore nodded at her in passing, and he waited until she was sitting to clap his hands. As he did, the food appeared on the table, and there was sounds of gasps from first years. Draco, try as he might to hide it, even oohed in awe when he saw the neat little trick.

Pansy snickered at Draco's reaction, and squeaked when Draco kicked her leg under the table.

The next minutes were spent with polite mumbles to pass one condiment or another, and Harry had gleefully dug into his pancakes topped with strawberries. His logic was that the strawberries counteracted the unhealthy sugar. He knew better than to use too much syrup, what with his Papa watching them all like a hawk above.

Harry was distracted from his _nutritional_ breakfast by the post owls swooping in from an open window. He wasn't expecting personal mail, so it was a surprise when instead of just the Daily Prophet, three letters were dropped near his plate. Grabbing the letters, he skimmed the names. His godfathers, his sister, and one short letter from Hagrid reminding him of his detention and a stern order to wear something old, as they would be working with dirt and animals.

Harry looked up, caught Hagrid's eye, and waved with a smile. Hagrid raised his goblet to him, and went back to what looked like half the dining table on his plate.

Harry decided to read the other letters later, and glanced at the Daily Prophet. The main article was, of course, on the Potter's and possible new scandals. It mentioned Harry's sudden emancipation, and whether it was planned or hiding something else, something shameful. It went on about Isabella and him, and their House Sorting. It was a bore to Harry, really. So he went back to his breakfast, managing to put nosy newspapers out of mind. 

* * *

Finally, as it was nearing time to leave, everyone sat back with delighted sighs. They had eaten their fills, and were now ready to go cause havoc in their classes.

Harry slipped his robe on, and shouldered his bag. He watched as Haben grunted with his own bag, and decided for Christmas he would get him a matching bag, with all the charms he could possibly want.

Draco took the lead, with Harry on his right and Haben on his left. Behind them were Pansy and Blaise, bickering between themselves about charms and what they could possibly learn.

Their voices soothed Harry, as it was important to him to know that his friends were happy and healthy.

Draco dug out the map that his father had recommended he buy, a small thing tucked away near the counter when he had bought his school books. He unfolded it now, and led them to their first class: History of Magic.

Harry knew this class was synonymous with nap time, so as soon as he got there, he put his bag down by his legs, folded his arms on the table, and went back to sleep. 

* * *

An hour later, Draco was whispering in his ear and shaking his shoulder. Harry grunted and took a swipe at the air, vaguely disappointed that he didn't hit anything. His shoulder was shaken again, and this time he raised his head off the table and looked around, drunk with sleep. Haben was holding their bags, one on each shoulder, and looked ready to leave.

Harry got up on warm, wobbly legs, and stretched like a kitten. Harry caught Draco's blush and subsequent embarrassment, and Harry couldn't help but smile at his shyness.

Haben practically pushed them out into the corridor, where the other first years minus Theodore were waiting. Draco frowned, and asked the obvious, "Where's Theo?"

"He went ahead to save us seats." That was Blaise, who was looking at the map his mother had forced him to buy in a somewhat dazed manner. It was just so Muggle-ish, despite the parchment being enchanted to match the staircases as they moved.

Draco hmmed and looked at his map. He didn't know how other houses could get to classes on time, though maybe that was why the Gryffindor's were always late. He squinted at the little dot that represented him, grateful that it didn't show the whole school and was instead keyed to the holder's magic, and looked for the quickest way to Charms.

"They sure do lay the schedule on thick first day, don't they?"

The other Slytherin first years nodded, more consumed in getting to class on time.

The Slytherin's trickled in at the same time as the Ravenclaw's, and the Slytherin's stole the front rows from the Ravenclaw's. One or two huffed, and sat as close as they could without making it seem like they were mingling with Dark children.

Harry saw some of the wariness in their eyes, and he smiled and waved at them. Some of them waved back, while others just flushed and looked away.

The one boy, Goldstein, Harry thought, sat behind him, seemingly unaware or uncaring that the other Slytherin's were eyeballing him. There was a faraway look in his eyes, as if he were thinking deeply about something and his body was on autopilot.

Harry stared a bit longer, before he jumped in guilt and surprise as the other boy looked at him.

"Well, hello, Potter." And that was all he said. There was no change in tone, no welcoming smile or a sneer. Harry took that as a good sign, though cautiously.

Harry waved at the boy shyly, thinking that all Ravenclaws had their certain quirks. Instead of being offended for not verbally answering, the boy merely smiled wanly at him, and looked off to the side.

Harry turned around and saw the charms professor walk up to the front near a stack of pillows. He turned to fully face the professor, and crossed his legs at the ankles, ready for a long hour of all theory and book reading. 

* * *

An hour had finally passed, with Harry's eyes seeing double by the end. It had been a tedious lesson for him, as he already knew the theory behind the levitation charm. Hell, he could perform the practical wandless, if albeit a bit shaky.

He wasn't being cocky, as Severus had always warned him and Draco that cockiness led to mistakes that you couldn't take back. There had been a haunted look in his eyes when he said that, and Draco and him had never had the nerve to push for more answers. So, he wasn't being cocky, he was just sure of his abilities.

Harry was excited to see that the next hour would be spent having lunch, and then the dreaded Transfiguration period with the Gryffindors. 

* * *

Lunch passed in a cacophony, with Harry being almost glad to go back to Hogwarts' empty halls, and craving the safety of his secret hallway.

The path to Transfiguration was a tedious one, as it was by the Gryffindor common room, and there were many, many steps one had to take to get there. By the time they were outside the doors, the male first years were panting, and the ladies tried to hide it, but they were also breathing heavily.

Blaise dragged his body into one of the chairs on the left, before letting his body droop over the desk. "Fuck, we have seven more years of those stairs." He panted out, his body felt sore and his legs like jello.

Pansy sat next to him, and raised a neat eyebrow. "Wherever did you learn such a Muggle word?" She said the word Muggle as if it were filth, and Harry was grateful that Haben was too preoccupied looking at the classroom to hear.

Blaise groaned and replied flippantly, "Mother's men."

Pansy nodded as if that made perfect sense, and it did if one knew that Blaise's mothers' job outside of politics and fashion was to be a Black Widow. It was a point of contempt for those who were first hearing of such a thing, but all those who knew Blaise personally knew that Blaise's mother loved him, as he had come from a man in Ethiopia that she truly had loved before the gods had decided to make him ill.

Harry and Draco sat down in front of Blaise and Pansy, and decided to quietly read their Transfiguration books as they waited for the Gryffindor's and the professor to show up. Though, from the way the cat was standing at its desk, Harry had an inkling that it was of a magical origin.

He was right when the last Gryffindor had sat down, and the door snapped closed. The cat then jumped off her desk, but instead of landing on all fours, the cat turned into a woman almost within the blink of an eye. Harry was awed at her ability to transform in mid air, and decided then and there that this woman was someone to be respected, no matter what.

The Gryffindor side of the room oohed at her neat trick, while the Slytherin's nodded in appreciation. They could recognize a powerful witch when they saw one.

As Professor McGonagall unfolded from the hunch she was in, she started to lecture them about the basic factors of Transfiguration.

* * *

Draco grunted as he left the classroom, and he had to lean on Haben for support. "Kill me, please. There's so much work."

Haben, on the other hand, was practically buzzing with excitement. "I don't know how I'm going to remember that alphabet and formula, but I will!"

His friends shook their heads and smiled fondly at him, already getting used to his precociousness.

Pansy stepped up to pat Haben's shoulder. "Recite it twice a day. Once in the morning, once at night."

Haben nodded gratefully, before looking at his schedule. "Are we almost to Defense?"

Harry looked at his map before nodding, yes, they were almost there.

He knew that the year before last Quirrel had been a praised teacher, knowledgable if a bit nervous, but that was overlooked with the things he knew about Defense. Before he had taken his sabbatical, he had been decent enough in Muggle Studies, but where he shined was Defense. This was the one class Harry was looking forward to, aside from Potions.

The Slytherin's arrived just as the Hufflepuff's were, and they cut the Puffs off with looks of disdain. Harry rolled his eyes at his friends, and decided it was better to keep his options open than make enemies on the first day.

Harry decided to sit in the middle rows for that class, so he could see the board but have less of a chance on being picked on to demonstrate.

Next to him was Haben, and in front were Draco and Pansy. They seemed to be bickering with each other, but as Harry looked closer, he saw them taking bets instead. Resolving to definitely not get involved with gambling Slytherin's, lest he lose all his money plus interest, he looked down at his hands.

The final bell had gone off, and there was still no Quirrel. Harry thought this odd, as he was known to be exceedingly punctual. Perhaps that sabbatical had rattled his brain, and he was still recovering.

Finally, in came Quirrel, five minutes after the bell. Harry slumped down into his seat, relieved they could finally start the class. He knew that his tardiness would not be dismissed by the Slytherin's, as they were more judgmental than they cared to admit.

At one point, as Harry was nodding off between Quirrel's stuttering about the syllabi, and little points of references from his sabbatical, with the odd mentioning of a vampire, a sharp pain shot through his chest.

He jolted out of his stupor, and slapped a hand over his chest. A look of disgruntlement crossed his features. Harry coughed as the pain subsided, but he could no longer go back to sleep. Now, he was too wary. 

* * *

Harry was sitting in the common room, trying to ignore the whispers going around about him. He just wanted to do his homework so he could go to dinner, and then detention.

Pansy chose that moment to sit down next to him, knocking his hand out of balance. Harry cursed in his head, and Pansy had the decorum to look guilty, though Harry knew it was fake.

Harry grunted and glared at her. Pansy saw the unasked question in his eyes.

Pansy smirked and laid back casually, looking at her fingernails. "Unlike some people, I did my homework during the boring classes, instead of sleeping."

Draco, the traitor, was passing by to go to their dorm at that same moment. All Harry caught from him was a snicker, not even a few words to defend him.

Harry watched Draco go, pouting. On the same sheet of paper he had been using for homework, he scribbled, _'Why are all my friends traitors?'_

Pansy raised an eyebrow, before looking closely at Harry's face. Seeing he wasn't angry, and was just fooling around, she decided to tease back. "Well, Harry, that's the perk of being in Slytherin."

Harry, reluctantly, barked a laugh.

Pansy rolled her eyes, before getting up to get ready to go.

Harry pouted before declaring his homework null, and slipped his books back into his bag. He sprinkled some pounce over the wet ink, before finally deciding to shove his destroyed homework into his bag and go find Draco.

As he was going up the stairs, Draco was closing the door. He reopened it and pointed at Harry's bed. "I left some clothes on your bed for your detention."

Harry stopped where he was and stared at Draco in horror.

Draco smirked and walked away, leaving Harry to wonder who spilled the metaphorical beans.

Harry looked at the clothes Draco had picked for him. For a boy who grew up with the finest of wizarding clothes, and never having to do physical labor, he at least knew that detentions meant getting dirty, which led to using the oldest or cheapest clothing.

Harry had to bite back a sigh. As much as he was accustomed to some elbow grease, it didn't mean he was comfortable adding animals into that mix.

He quickly pulled the clothes on, and shoved the old ones underneath his bed to be dealt with later. He chose the plainest robe he had that still passed the school's strict rules.

Harry placed his bag near his nightstand, and decided enough was enough, he had done enough stalling, it was time to go face dinner- then detention. 

* * *

Dinner passed quickly, with Harry picking mostly at some ground up meat, being force fed bread by Haben and Pansy, and ignoring the whispers of the older Slytherins.

Harry knew they were talking about him, a Light child in the nest of Dark children and Darker families. It seemed for now that the prefects were taming the fires, but Harry knew that eventually, the fire would be too big, and like all fires, would burn those standing in its way. He just wondered when those whispers would turn into taunts, and then actions.

Harry picked at his mashed potatoes, before deciding he had stalled his detention enough. Hagrid had already left about ten minutes ago.

Harry sighed before finally motivating himself to get up and leave. He waved goodbye to his friends and made his way outside.

Outside was cool, and the sun was just starting to set. It would have been a perfect evening to go for a quick stroll, if it hadn't already been booked up.

Harry made his way to what looked like a shabby hut, and as he got closer he could see thickets with berries, along with some hay.

Harry knocked on the front door, and tried hard not to fidget.

A great bark came from the other side of the hut, and Harry barely had time to protect his face before the dog was leaping at him, licking him everywhere he could reach.

Harry tried to push the dog away, but it was of little use. The dog was too big, and the only one who could control an animal that big was its owner.

"'Ere now, Fang! Off the boy, now." Hagrid's booming voice was a welcome relief to Harry, as the dog whined before stepping down.

"Well, 'lo, Harry. Did Perfessor Snape tell ye what you'll be doing this week?"

Harry gulped up at the man. He was a gentle giant from what his papa had said, but it seemed that since now Harry had a snake on his badge, he was to be treated with suspicion.

Harry just nodded, trying hard not to bristle with agitation. It seemed it didn't work very well, because the giant hummed, but instead led him around the gate to the back.

"What I need ye to do today is move this top soil so the soft, wet soil under is uncovered. After that, I'll teach ye how to plant me famous Halloween pumpkins."

It wasn't as horrible as Harry had expected, but was rather pleasant, with hagrid making idle chatter about this or that, and Fang sunbathing in the dying light.

Not even the dirt under his nails, or the sweat caked into his hair could deter him of the light, pleasant feeling some honest, hard work could bring.

Though Harry wouldn't complain at a hot bath. 

* * *

The rest of the week passed in a blur, and Harry was so glad he had no Ministry tests for a good while.

Hagrid's detentions passed quietly, with them quickly becoming Harry's favorite part of the day. Harry very seriously considered coming down even when there were no detentions. Slowly, Hagrid had started to warm up to the quiet but obviously intelligent boy, and had taken him under his wing, so to speak.

As it was now Thursday, things had happened faster than Harry had been expecting.

For one, there was a notice going around that next week Flying classes would begin. But more personally, his phoenix was finally hatching.

Harry wouldn't admit it even under torture, but he had cried at seeing the birth of what he hoped was his familiar.

He was a beautiful blue phoenix, one he had decided to name Icarus. His owl was a bit jealous, but he was sure they would get along eventually. They even looked beautiful next to each other, with Icarus' blue plumage and his owl's snowy white feathers creating a sharp contrast.

For today, Harry only had to worry about Astronomy, but he was sure that would be a breeze. 

* * *

Finally, came the day Harry was dreading, for he knew his papa would not go easy on him, even if he was just getting over being mute.

His stomach was in knots at breakfast, and all he wanted to do was stick his nose in a potions book to frantically review.

As it was, he was probably clenching his silverware too tightly, as even Millicent reached over to pat his hand, and she was the most tolerant of the first years.

Eventually, Harry couldn't stand it, and he had to leave for class.

The way down to the dungeons wasn't as long to get to the common room, but was still lengthy. Harry chose the second table from the front, and waited for his friends to show up.

He was starting to doze when the door opened and chattering snapped him awake. He looked for Draco's distinctive hair, or Haben's curls. He wanted both of them near him, and as far away as possible from the Gryffindors.

He waved at Neville's shy smile, and gestured for him to sit next to Haben. Haben obviously questioned his sanity with a single upraised eyebrow, but trusted him to know what he was doing. Neville hesitated, but eventually sat down self consciously underneath the stares of bewildered Slytherins and Gryffindors.

Draco didn't look pleased, but knew better than voicing his prejudices in front of Harry. As it was, they had fought many, many times over the use of mudblood and the etymology of it.

The door snapped close with a bang, and every student in the room jumped despite themselves.

Professor Snape glided- and Harry had to wonder if he even had feet- to the front of the classroom, and begin roll call.

Draco- the prat- was preening under the attention, until Harry's name was called.

"Ah, Mr. and Miss Potter, our newest- celebrities." There was a vicious tone in Snape's voice, one that made even Harry flush at the snickers.

At that, Snape dove into lecture mode, "You are here to learn the subtle science and exact art of potionmaking," he whispered, everybody hanging onto his words, "As there is little foolish wand-waving here, many of you will hardly believe this is magic. I don't expect you will really understand the beauty of the softly simmering cauldron with its shimmering fumes, the delicate power of liquids that creep through human veins, bewitching the mind, ensnaring the senses... I can teach you how to bottle fame, brew glory, even stopper death - if you aren't  as big a bunch of dunderheads as I usually have to teach."

Harry exhaled shakily, in awe of the man he called his father.

"Potter!" Both kids snapped to attention, and even Snape looked like he was fighting amusement.

"Miss Potter, tell me, what would I get if I added powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?"

Isabella glanced at Harry in a state of panic, and Harry truly felt for her. He had been on the receiving end of his anger numerous times, and he knew it was fearsome when he loomed over you like the bat they called him.

"I don't know, sir." Isabella said quietly, glancing at Haben as he practically shook in his seat to answer.

"A pity. Clearly, fame isn't everything. Now, let's try again. Potter, where would you look if I told you to find me a bezoar?"

"I- erm, ah..."

Snape tutted, "A true shame, what with a pureblood father and a talented mother. Whatever did Lily Evans teach you in that farce of a home?"

Harry eyes widened at the slight against his parents, and his eyes darted to Isabella. She was just as shocked as he, if not more so, as she was closer to their parents than he was.

"How-"

"Two points from Gryffindor for insolence," Snape practically purred, "and now- what is the difference, Potter, between monkshood and wolfsbane?"

Isabella looked like she was torn between exploding in indignation, and wanting to hide underneath the table.

She gulped, before glancing at Haben, who by now was practically wriggling around in his seat, trying to reach higher and higher with each passing second.

"I- I don't know, but Hermine might. Why don't you try asking _her_?"

Snape whirled around from where he had been glaring at a group of giggling Gryffindor girls. His eyes flashed, and his nostrils flared. Harry and Draco both gulped, they had seen Severus angry many, many times, but never quite this angry.

"Ten points from Gryffindor, my, not off to a great start, are we? As the Girl-Who-Lived is obviously not up to task, let us see if the other twin is."

Snape stared at Harry, willing him with his eyes to open up and speak. Harry started sweating, he had only regained his voice last night!

"Well, Mr. Potter? Would you like me to repeat the questions?"

Harry nodded, hoping to stall as long as possible.

Snape repeated the questions, and Harry gulped as he was stared down by his papa. Next to him, Draco was torn between being amused, and being cowed in case of ending in the crossfire.

"Well, Mr. Potter? We do not have time to pander to your every will."

Harry flinched and started speaking in a slow and stuttering voice, slowly gaining confidence when he saw Snape wasn't going to eat him alive. "I- er, well, the first is Draught- Draught of Living Death," Harry paused and thought I think to himself, "Ah, the bezoar is in the goat of stomach, I remember reading that, and the third is the same plant, only because my godfather taught me that one."

Snape was impressed, some of this information had been in the first year book, but had been in the middle of bland text.

"It seems some of us are capable of reading a book. Well, why aren't you all copying that down?"

There was a flurry of quills on parchment, and Harry had to sink lower in his seat from the duo stares of both houses. Though one was more malicious while the other was shocked and curious.

Draco patted Harry's arm, but the look in his eye promised they would have a discussion later.

The rest of potions passed in a haze for Harry, with Draco monitoring him every other minute to make sure he didn't kill them both.

The Gryffindor's seemed to be losing their esteemed confidence, and Harry could see things were in shambles on their side. Luckily, Haben also knew to watch out for the nervous Neville, and so instead of poor Neville botching up his potion, it was Ron who made the mistake.

Harry knew it was close call with how Neville's body had slumped in relief, and he couldn't bring himself to feel bad for the bully. He just sniffed in Ron's direction, and enjoyed the rest of his potions in silence. 

* * *

As Harry had predicted, his friends had hounded him first chance at lunch.

They pestered him with rapid questions, but all Harry could think about was going to serve his detention early.

He pushed around his sandwich, before taking one more bite. He watched Blaise and Pansy fight verbally, while the others were slowly starting to give up on asking him questions.

His stomach couldn't take anymore food, and his ears were starting to ring, so he pushed away from his seat. He could feel eyes watching him leave, but he just wanted to visit Hagrid and have some relaxing tea after serving detention.

The path to the groundkeeper's hut was always relaxing, and today it was nice because there was also a cool breeze. He could see Hagrid sitting on his front steps, and it looked like he was smoking from a pipe.

As Harry got closer, Fang's ears perked up. He got up from where he was at Hagrid's feet, and came to lick hello to Harry.

Harry giggled and pushed the hound away, before smiling shyly at hagrid.

"H-Hullo, Hagrid." Harry said quietly, and he was rewarded with a face of shock, which was soon overcome with joy.

"Well, I be, Harry! Ye got yer voice back!" Hagrid looked so happy, that Harry felt tears prickle the corner of his eyes.

"Yeah, just last night. P-Professor Snape almost had a heart attack when he heard."

"A good man, tha' Perfessor."

Harry smiled and nodded, "Say, Hagrid, can we see some animals today? Though nothing dangerous, I don't think Snape would appreciate it much."

Hagrid let the slip of formality go, and he thought while nodding. "Well, there is some thestrals, but ye may not be able to see 'em..."

"That's alright, if I can't I'll just watch you."

Hagrid nodded and cleaned out his pipe. He stashed the clean pipe into one of his pockets, and gestured for Harry and Fang to follow him.

"'S just over here." And over here was a small clearing surrounded by thick trees.

Harry pushed a branch out of his way, and he inhaled sharply. "What are those?"

Those were black, skeletal winged horses. They looked like they were pulled from children's nightmares, but also had an odd lure that called to Harry. One of the babies nickered, and tried nosing at Harry's arm.

"Erm, hello. Uh, Hagrid?" Harry's voice was taking on a high pitch, the longer he let himself sit in his panic.

"Oh, they're harmless, they are." Hagrid rooted around in his pockets for some meat, and the older thestrals all crowded around him, nosing at his pockets.

"Um, okay, so why wouldn't I be able to see them?"

Hagrid brushed his hands clean on his overcoat after he had fed the older thestrals, and he rooted around for some softer food.

"Oh, jus' tha' only those who have seen death can see these creatures. But I wonder, who have ye seen?"

The little hairs on the back of Harry's neck prickled. Somehow, it felt too cliché to say himself, ever since that one fateful Halloween, after he had gotten the scar. But it also could have been Voldemort. Harry just didn't know, and it gave him a headache to think about it.

"I don't know, Hagrid. Maybe the Dark Lord?"

Hagrid hummed, "Maybe, Harry."

"So what are we doing? Feeding and cleaning?"

Hagrid nodded, and went around feeding while Harry watched by the fence. The baby thestrals, after being fed, kept nuzzling at Harry's arms.

Hagrid had glanced over once, and had made a quip about being attuned to death, in what had meant to be a joking manner, but had made Harry go cold.

"Alrigh', now. Here's how we clean."

Hagrid handed Harry a soft brush, and Hagrid showed him how to clean the skin of the thestral's. He had to be slow, and gentle, and use small circles, as with human skin, thestral's had thin hair over their skin, and was thinnest at the wings and neck. Any accidental hard brush, and the thestral could be injured.

Harry found it very soothing, it was like meditating, but it was better, because he wasn't sitting still.

Working for casual, and probably failing at it, he brought up visiting after detentions were over.

Hagrid listened quietly, patiently, and it was the most quiet Harry had ever seen the man be. He was sure if he strained hard enough he could hear birds chirping somewhere outside the Forest.

Hagrid hummed to himself, "Well, I don' see why not?"

Harry beamed at Hagrid, who returned the smile slowly.

It hurt, a little, that Hagrid was still suspicious of him, but Harry would take what he could get. 

* * *

Harry made his way back to the castle slowly, and thought of what to do before dinner. He could do his homework, but really, he wasn't _that_ desperate for something to do.

Harry wandered the halls until he knew it would be time for dinner, looking at tapestries and poking around at the decorations that littered the halls. There were grumbling portraits, but Harry could see the curiosity burning in their eyes.

He made sure to smile at each one, even those who sneered at him.

The bell started ringing for dinner, and so he asked the friendliest looking portrait for directions. She was a young lady, in a big ball gown dress, but her background was off, as if she had run from her ball and to the portrait of a swing under a shady tree.

The lady gave Harry an odd look, but was happy to oblige, "Oh, just go straight ahead, then take a left when you see the tapestry of the first witch at the stake. You'll want to take four staircases down."

Harry bowed in thanks, and tried to fulfill her directions. After finding the tapestry, it was easier to find his way down to the ground level.

He waited until all the staircases were connected, before running down them quickly. He was about to be late to dinner, and Snape didn't tolerate tardiness in anything.

After jumping past a trick step, he finally made his way to the Great Hall. That was easier, as it was just a matter of going down the marble staircase, then a left, and he'd be in front of the ornate doors.

The doors were already propped open, with chatter slipping through, and the Entrance Hall was illuminated with a soft golden light that bounced off the floating candles.

Harry could see other kids making their way up from the Slughorn's staircase, and some were coming out from the Portrait Room.

Dinner smelled wonderful, so he quickly made his way to where his friends would be.

They were sitting near the Head Table, and they were all chattering, though Harry could see that his two best friends had pinched expressions, and it sent a warmth through him that his friends were worried about him.

As soon as they saw Harry, their expressions cleared into relief. They made room between them, and Harry was pulled to sit down. Haben patted Harry's hand, offering a small smile, and Draco was watching Harry, in a way that made Harry's stomach twist. Finally, Draco smiled warmly, instead of smirking, and went back to his dinner.

With a beating heart and shaking hands, Harry did the same. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which next chapter will be Icarus hatching, and Harry speaking


	10. Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Only Harry would get a bird as demanding as Draco

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my birthday is in 3 days and i still dont know the difference between breath and breathe

After Thursday Transfiguration, Snape had excused Harry from school. Dumbledore knew about their circumstances, so they appealed to his soft spot for them by stating that Harry was being taken home to rest a bit, and to grab things he had forgotten.   
  
And then was the part where Harry had been embarrassed, because Snape had had the gall to say that they were going back for the quilted blanket that Narcissa had gifted them as a Christmas gift. He didn't think he could face Dumbledore in the eye again.   
  
Harry had to wonder, though, what they were really going back for.   
  
Snape guided Harry out of Dumbledore's office with one hand on his shoulder, and out past the Apparation point.   
  
He squeezed Harry's shoulder before sweeping him into a hug, and Harry fell into it with a soft _oomph_.  
  
He was being squeezed into a tube, and torn apart by his molecules, and he couldn't _breathe,_ and oh Merlin, oh Merlin, he opened his mouth to yell, where was his Papa-  
  
-when they landed harshly in the greeting foyer of Prince Manor.   
  
Harry fell to his knees on the cool marble floor, and pressed his forehead against his shaky knees.   
  
He felt Severus kneel down next to him, and pat his back. "Have you pulled yourself together?"  
  
Harry grunted, and shifted away from the hand on his back. With what little strength he had, he glared at his Papa accusingly.   
  
"No, I do not know why this time it was worse. Perhaps it was something you ate, or perhaps your magic is growing again."  
  
Harry hummed, and started to lift himself slowly. Severus held out one hand, which Harry took gratefully. He shook his head, swallowed hard, and the world stopped tilting around.   
  
"Come, the House Elves informed me that your phoenix is close to hatching."  
  
Harry, despite himself, gasped. He didn't wait for further instructions; he tore off his shoes, and in just his slippery socks, he ran, ran far down to where he knew the kitchens were.   
  
He threw open the doors to the kitchen, and they fell on either side with a loud bang. The elves that were closest squeaked and jumped in fright, and some that were further out looked around at the doors, defensiveness on their little faces, hands already outstretched to cast their magic of protection on their home.   
  
And then they saw Harry, and the wariness on the faces morphed into joy.   
  
"Master Harry! Harry Potter!" Harry could hear from all sides, and he looked behind him for help, but Snape wasn't there yet.   
  
Harry allowed himself to be taken over to a corner by the hand, and sat down in front of a fireplace. In front of the fireplace, was a Phoenix egg, cocooned in what Harry recognized as his baby blanket and pushed near the heat, but not close enough to burn the chick when it hatches.   
  
And Harry sat, playing the waiting game.   
  
Behind him, the door opens with a creak, and distantly he thinks they should oil those hinges, and then Kava with coconut milk is being pushed into his clammy hands.  
  
And he wonders, when did he get scared?  
  
Because that is what he is- scared and vulnerable, with hundreds of questions and scenarios playing through his head, all centering around the phoenix, a bunch of _what ifs what ifs_.   
  
And then, it halts.   
  
Because there is a slow thumping against the fragile egg shell, and Harry inhales so quickly that it gets stuck in his trachea, in the bronchi and the alveoli.   
  
And then, for a heart stopping moment, the beating stops, until with a rush of air that makes Harry feel faint, his toes numb and his eyes fuzzy, a little beak breaks through.   
  
And the hole in the egg gets bigger, and Harry's hand itches to help, but he knows he can't, he could injure his familiar's progress.   
  
And with that revelation, that this phoenix will be his familiar, calms him. He knows it will be okay.   
  
So he sits back, leaning against the legs of where his papa had decided to sit in a chair, and he passes his tea back so his hands are free.   
  
Finally, after what feels like forever, the egg breaks. And there is a chirp, a soft, small sound in the sudden stillness. It takes all of Harry's energy to not cry, to hold himself rigidly, to wait for the bird to come out and open their eyes.   
  
And they do, and Harry inhales at the beauty of this bird, a blue that rivals a lake covered over in ice, at first glance silver. He is amazed, how the top little fuzz of feathers is silver, and when the bird shifts, it catches the blue underneath. And it's eyes, nearly the same shade as Draco's grey.   
  
The bird chirrups and nudges at Harry's leg, finding a heat source.   
  
Harry picks them up with shaking hands, and kisses their furry little head.   
  
The bird shivers, but Harry can't tell if it's fear or cold, so he cradles it closer to his neck, close to his heartbeat, and scoots closer to the fireplace, until he is uncomfortable, but the bird stops shivering.   
  
He decides now is a good time to give them food.   
  
After ordering the elves around a bit, the blackberries he had ordered were mushed enough, and Harry tried feeding the bird with a pipette.   
  
It was messy, at first, and he supposes this  is what parenthood felt like, and then the bird is drinking and swallowing obediently, and Harry feels pride well in his chest.   
  
As he takes the pipette away before the bird can overindulge, the Phoenix nips at his finger, and Harry hisses as a few drops of his blood fall into its mouth.   
  
He knows this is a part of the ritual, to take one's familiar one must sacrifice something of value, something of their own being. And the simplest is that of blood or sweat. But blood has always been strongest, enough to fight and win wars, enough to get _through_ them.   
  
And as he sucks his finger clean, there is a niggling feeling of _something_ in his head.   
  
And there- it blossoms into an awareness of something, of someone.   
  
" _Hello,_ " the voice whispers.   
  
Harry stays quiet, but smiles at the bird in his lap.   
  
" _Do you not speak?_ "  
  
Harry focuses on the presence in his head, and speaks to it, " _I have not been able to for a few days._ "  
  
The bird makes a chirping sound, what would be a hum for a human.  
  
" _Perhaps I could help?_ "  
  
Harry doesn't have a chance to think, because the bird is already crying into his open hand, and Harry didn't even know baby phoenix's had healing tears this early.   
  
" _Now drink my medicine, and be healed._ "  
  
Harry wants to scoff that it isn't that simple, but this bird has magics passed down through centuries, magics that Harry will never be able to understand. So instead of arguing like any sane person would, he drinks the tears from his palm.   
  
For a long while, there is nothing, and Harry almost wants to point that out. But when he opens his mouth, there is a burning in his throat, and he is aware enough to know that he is choking, and his esophagus feels like it's on fire.   
  
And as soon as it came, it passes.   
  
Harry coughs for a while longer, and once the burning subsides, he looks down at his phoenix with watery eyes.   
  
And the bird looks smug.   
  
Harry opens his mouth, and in a raspy voice, says, "What the bloody hell?"  
  
Harry jumps when a teacup shatters behind him.   


* * *

It takes a while for Snape to calm down, for him to not look at Harry like he's seen a ghost.   
  
When he finally can breathe without aid, he falls down to his knees, and Harry is the one left needing help.   
  
Not that it isn't welcome, but Snape squeezing Harry that hard had to hurt him somehow, a broken rib at the very least.   
  
And Snape is muttering into Harry's hair, smoothing his unruly hair back with long, stained fingers.   
  
Harry manages to catch snippets, like _so grateful,_ or _Harry, Harry_ , but it is mostly unintelligible and probably not meant to be heard.   
  
Finally, Snape releases Harry, but he doesn't let him go very far.   
  
Harry looks up, confused and out of breath.   
  
Snape clears his throat, but there is a red tinge to his cheeks.   
  
"Papa?"  
  
A flash of pain and then delight crosses Snape's face, but is smoothed back into indifference.   
  
"I thought- I thought you would never speak again."  
  
Harry grunts and looks for a cup. Snape sees, and _Accio's_ it for him, and does the _Aguamenti_ charm. Without thinking twice, Harry gulps down the cool water. Immediately, his belly feels calmer, and he feels more human than a big flame.   
  
Setting the cup next to the shattered teacup, Harry reaches over for the bird he dropped and holds his phoenix in his arms, cradling him so he doesn't fall again. The bird croons and nuzzles at the crook of Harry's arm.  
  
Snape looks down at them, thoughtful.   
  
"Come, we can speak in the Solar wing."  
  
Harry rolls his eyes behind Snape's back, thinking to himself, _honestly, why couldn't he just say their private rooms like a normal person?_  
  
Snape looks at Harry through a passing mirror, "Don't roll your eyes at me, young man."  
  
Harry jumps, making his bird squawk. "You don't know if I actually did that."  
  
Harry couldn't see it, but he could hear the smirk, "You want to bet on that?"  
  
Harry didn't hesitate for an answer, "Are you mad? Absolutely no betting, I learned to never bet with Slytherin's."  
  
Snape coughed out a laugh that he just couldn't hold in. "Are you still smarting over Lucius beating you at poker?"  
  
Harry pouted as they rounded the corner to the Solar wing. After all the stairs at Hogwarts, the stairs at Prince Manor didn't quite wind him anymore.   
  
"He was cheating!"  
  
Snape snorted as he pushed a door open on the other side of their bedrooms. "If you insist."  
  
Harry looked around curiously. There were more books from the last time he was here, but nothing else had changed. The armchairs were still soft and lumpy, and the fireplace was still as pretty as he remembered.   
  
Snape lit the fire the Muggle way, and Harry felt his stomach twist with nerves. He knew a delaying tactic when he saw one.   
  
Warily, he put his bird next to the fireplace after placing him in a throw from the back of his chair. He sat, and he waited, but he watched Snape.   
  
Snape finally had a fire going, and he sat down in the armchair next to Harry, only an end table between them. Snape tapped on it twice, and waited for the tea service to arrive.   
  
When they were sipping on their Darjeeling, Harry got the sense Snape was lost for words.   
  
Just as Harry put his teacup down to speak first, Snape opened his mouth.   
  
"How- How are you, harry?"   
  
Harry blinked and fought the urge to lie that he was fine.   
  
But how was he, other than tired?   
  
"I- I just feel kind of... Numb. Being with my friends makes me happy, but there's a part beneath that that still feels empty."  
  
Harry blushed at admitting so much, and Snape sighed.   
  
"Come here, Harry." He was patting the space he had made in his chair. Harry sat next to him after some hesitation, but once there he curled into his arms and rested his head over Snape's chest.   
  
From here, he could hear his Papa's heartbeat. He wondered if this is what Isabella, or even Draco felt when with their own fathers, a sense of deep rooted love and safety.   
  
"Does father hate me?"  
  
Snape had a policy of never lying to his child, and so he had to bite his tongue to bite back the automatic no.   
  
"I cannot say. I think he is afraid."  
  
"Afraid? Afraid of what?"  
  
"I cannot answer that, Harry. I'm not Potter. But he reminds me of a cornered animal."  
  
Harry thought that over as he listened to Snape's heartbeat, a solid _thump, thump_.   
  
"Are you afraid?"  
  
Snape choked on his tea, nearly sending it tumbling into his lap and onto Harry's head. He fought the instinct to lie and lash out in fear.   
  
He took calming breathes, and when he was calm again, he looked down to see Harry looking up at him.   
  
"I am afraid."  
  
Snape took no pleasure in seeing Harry's eyes round up, wide like an owl.   
  
"You're _afraid_? But you survived a war!"  
  
Snape noogied Harry in retaliation. It was a balm to Snape, to hear his son giggling and trying to squirm away from his knuckles.   
  
"I give!" Harry panted as Snape released him, and Snape snorted as Harry's hair was even messier than before.   
  
"As I was saying, young man, even I can be afraid. But I was more afraid of what's coming in the future."  
  
Harry's lips thinned, "Whatever you have planned, I really don't want to know."  
  
"Isn't that a pleasant change?"  
  
Harry pouted.   
  
"In all seriousness-" Harry snickered at the pun, "-is there anything you are afraid of?"  
  
Harry didn't hesitate to answer that, "I'm afraid my sister will hate me when she finds out, and I'm afraid of what this war will do to my friends and I. What if they become Death Eaters? I know- I know not everyone who becomes one stays one, but what if? Merlin, our dorm fights will be something else. Why couldn't we have fought about girls being sneaked in, or, I don't know, smelly rooms?"   
  
Snape twirled Harry's hair around his pointer as he thought. "It, as always, comes down to damage control. We cannot prevent anything, but control the damage. And besides, you have one of the sneakiest snakes on your side, pumpkin head."  
  
As he knew it would, being called pumpkin head made Harry first laugh, then indignant. But it didn't matter, because Harry was laughing over something trivial instead of worrying about things that could or couldn't be.   
  
Harry wrapped his arms around Snape's waist, and went back to listening to his heartbeat. He couldn't imagine a world without his father, like a strong and scary pillar.   
  
"Will you leave me?" The _too_ was silent, but they both heard it.   
  
"If you mean will I die one day, yes, but I hope I see my many grandchildren and great grandchildren first. If you mean will I leave you like that man, no. I may have grown up in less than stellar conditions, but even I know that a parent should never abandon their children, no matter how they turn out. Unless, you are planning to become a serial killer? Then I might have to warn the Aurors."  
  
Harry smiled at Snape's dark humor, but he was reassured.   
  
"I love you, Papa." It was smothered in Snape's robes, but Snape still heard it.   
  
He leaned down to kiss Harry's head, and whispered, "And I you, Harry-love."  


Harry smiled, and dozed off to Snape's heartbeat.


End file.
